In Regards to Trust: Valediction
by phiewdh
Summary: Yuuri and Victor's worst nightmares face off in this story about trust and the art of letting go. Follow-up to the story New beginnings.
1. Chapter 1

**_To prime yourself for this story, please read the story_ New beginnings _before this one. [_** ** _s/12302447/1/New-beginnings ]_**

 _ **After finishing**_ **New beginnings** _ **, I came to understand that I'm not done with Yuuri and Victor just yet. This is a story based on the feeling I have that Victor would actually be happier just being Yuuri's coach and lover and officially retiring from figure skating. How would Yuuri and Victor deal with the consequences of this decision?**_

 _ **Also; I'm totally winging it with the skating. Kinda. Enjoy!**_

* * *

"Yuuri?" Victor came though the front door of the flat.

"Hi, Victor, welcome home! How was practice?" Yuuri's voice came from further in.

"It was fine," Victor said loudly as the took off his coat. "The short program is almost done, just have to go through it a couple of more times. I've contacted the head of the orchestra at the Mariinsky too, so we'll see if I have to tweak it once I have the music."

Victor walked towards the kitchen, stroking Makkachin's head as the poodle scampered around his legs. He felt parched. He got a bottle of water from the fridge and greedily drank it. He felt Yuuri's arms around his torso.

"Wow, you really are Japanese! Sneaking around like a ninja."

Yuuri scoffed in response.

He turned around, placed the bottle on the countertop and returned the embrace. He kissed Yuuri on the head, nuzzling his hair. _I hate it when we're not together._

"So!" Yuuri's voice made him leave his train of thought. "Dinner, eating in or out?"

Victor pondered for a second.

"In, I think. You don't mind?"

"No, absolutely not. Want me to cook?"

"Would you? Wow, amazing! Yuuri's cooking tonight!"

Victor tilted Yuuri's face upwards and gave him a deep kiss. One that made him weak at the knees. One that made Yuuri moan against his mouth.

"Payment enough, I hope?" Victor smiled. Yuuri was the better cook, by far. He really needed to encourage him in any way possible.

Yuuri patted Victor on the chest, laughing a bubbly laugh.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you. This is what keeps me going. I want this to be forever._

Victor ran his fingers though Yuuri's hair. It was slightly longer now, he noticed. It suited him. He playfully pulled one of the thicker strands repeatedly.

"And you, young man? Practice tomorrow?"

"Definitely. Combination training, if I'm allowed to have a say."

"I had something else in mind. Maybe you can convince me?" Victor winked as he walked out of the kitchen. "I'm taking a shower!"

* * *

Yuuri opened the fridge. _What to make, what to make... Vegetable pasta, maybe?_

He'd been in St Petersburg for almost a month. Victor had been coaching him for almost three weeks. The week he stayed off the rink had been pure bliss, he reluctantly admitted to himself. _And I'm supposed to be a professional figure skater..._

He remembered the little things, like being presented with a spare set of keys. Seeing an Instagram post with a photo of their two toothbrushes in his feed, the caption had been heartbreakingly sweet. 'Everything looks better in pairs'. Walking with Victor around town so that he would find his way on his own. Having a sightseeing of his new home rink. He felt warm inside, thinking back.

Yuuri shredded some carrots and fennel, filled a pot with water and placed it on the stove. His thoughts drifted off, thinking about the theme for his upcoming season. Trust. Victor had seemed enthusiastic when he told him about it. Called it important.

Victor had been very thorough, questioning Yuuri about what he thought about the word. What his perception of trust was. How he could translate Yuuri's thoughts into movements. Yuuri loved seeing Victor work. The choreography he'd shown him sparked the same feeling he'd felt inside when he saw the Eros routine. _How could I possibly pull this off?_

It hadn't been as tough getting into the mindset, but the movements linked together were more intricate and demanding. _Victor trusts me. He knows I can pull this off. Therefore, I must show him that I have trust in him, too._

The boiling water brought Yuuri back, and he quickly put the vegetables in.

He smelled Victor before he saw him.

* * *

"This is so good!" Victor beamed at Yuuri. "I really appreciate this." Victor reached for Yuuri's hand, giving it a squeeze. The smile Yuuri gave him made him weak.

After dinner, they lazily lounged in the sofa. Yuuri had almost immediately drifted off to sleep, on top of Victor and between his legs. Yuuri's breathing was slow. Deep. Calming. Victor traced the edge of Yuuri's shoulderblade with his fingers through Yuuri's shirt as carefully as he could.

In order to keep himself occupied, Victor played with his phone. He took a photo of their interlaced right hands.

 ** _v-nikiforov_**

 _ **v-nikiforov** With my sleeping beauty~!_

 _posted 0 minutes ago_

He checked the time. 23:13. _Probably time for bed soon_. Victor was supposed to meet with Yakov in the morning in order to practice. He usually scheduled his sessions early in order to let Yuuri sleep. Yuuri wasn't really a morning person, so his sessions started after lunch most of the time.

Victor put his phone on the floor. _No, we really need to get to bed._ In order to wake Yuuri in a gentle fashion, he trailed his fingers along Yuuris spine repeatedly. Trying his best to count the vertebras. Yuuri shifted after a while, and slowly inhaled for something that felt like forever. Yuuri shuddered under his touch.

"Yuuri..." Victor's voice were barely a whisper. "Ticklish?"

"No," Yuuri yawned. "Just goosebumps."

"We really should go to bed."

"Just a moment longer, please." Yuuri's voice grew more silent with every word.

"You're going to fall asleep again." _I love when you do that. You're hopeless._

They remained still and quiet in each other's arms for a while. Victor could tell by Yuuri's breathing that he resided in the borderlands between being awake and asleep.

"Whatever," Victor whispered as he reached for his phone to set the alarm.

* * *

 _To: Yuu~ri!_

 _I set your alarm, you can thank me later. Which I hope you'll do... See you at the rink! xxx_

Victor put his phone in his puffer and reached for his water bottle. He had a joint training today. Yakov was barking instructions at the far end of the rink, his voice booming.

"Vitya! You're up! From the second sit spin!"

"No, from the 4-3 combo," Victor hollered back. He unzipped his puffer and threw it across the side board of the rink.

"Don't mouth back! You do what I tell you to or..."

"Or else, what?" Victor tried his best to sound extremely flippant as he passed by, preparing a quad lutz-triple toe loop combination. He positioned himself on the right backward outside edge of the skate, prepared his left arm and leg for the jump and... flawless clockwise rotation.

"Yakov! Watch!"

Victor decided to add some flair to his toe loop by approaching it differently, rotating counter-clockwise in the air. Just for the heck of it. It became a double, but the expression on Yakov's face was enough. _Mission accomplished._ He finished with a death drop and did some sit spin variations, just for good measure, before he finished with an end pose.

"Vitya!" Yakov looked... teary eyed. And mad.

"Great, huh?" Victor stopped in front of his coach as brusquely as he could, sporting a sly smile. He made sure that his skates created a huge, powdery cloud of ice. _Shit, that was tough. My knees are killing me._

"Vitya, I forbid you to play around like that! It's not like you can use it in your program anyway! You need to be careful, you're no teenager anymore."

Victor put one finger to his lips and winked.

"All about surprising the audience, Yakov." _But I'm at my limit. This magician's hat is getting empty._

Yakov gave Victor a supportive pat on the back, and told him to cool down. He was done for the day.

* * *

"See you later, Makkachin!"

Yuuri grabbed his backpack before exiting, making sure that he locked the door. It was quite a luxury to live so close to the rink, it was within walking distance. He could only assume that Victor had taken it into consideration when he got the place.

He exited the lift, put his earphones in and started his playlist. _If I keep a higher pace, I'll be there in fifteen._ Yuuri started with a light jog and gradually upped his speed as he headed for the rink. _Definitely a great warmup._

The rink started to loom in the distance. Yuuri ran up the stairs and looked at his phone. 17 minutes.

He went inside and changed clothes. As he laced up his skates, a gang of young girls squealed as they exited the rink, heading for the outside. He couldn't understand them, but he nodded politely as they passed. He suddenly caught them saying "Vitya" in the same squealing tone.

 _He really has this effect on everyone. The wonderful, approachable Vitya. My super nova._

Yuuri entered where the girls had exited, and saw Victor on the ice. _Go figure they squealed. I feel like going crazy too when I see him._

Victor had been adamant since the very beginning that his and Yuuri's training sessions would be separated without any kind of overlapping. He pointed out that Yuuri needed to skate without disturbances, that it was important for him to focus and not be affected by others at this stage. Not until he knew his choreography by heart. Yuuri complied. And why wouldn't he, he trusted Victor.

Yuuri slowly walked to the entrance of the rink, the characteristic sound of the skate guards rattled with every step.

He was breathless. Victor still hadn't gotten his music from the Mariinsky, but seeing him skate without it was even more spellbinding. Victor skated with a slightly pained expression, his movements were like poetry. Out of an Ina Bauer with an outlandish layback, he performed a scratch spin. As the momentum waned, it became slow. Seductive. Perfectly centered. Victor continued to stretch out his arms, almost in a beckoning way, before retracting them as he moved into a backward crossover. It was like he spoke to an audience that wasn't there.

As Victor caressed his face, his lower lip getting caught by the movement of his fingers, Yuuri understood the story Victor was trying to tell. He felt cold inside. It was like he'd witnessed something that was forbidden, something that wasn't meant for him.

 _It's like he's... saying goodbye?_

Yuuri stifled a sob. He didn't understand, but at the same time, it all made perfect sense. The separated training sessions, the focus on Yuuri's season, the dodged conversations about Victor's routines. It all made perfect sense, and Yuuri felt mortified. Cheated. Stupid.

He turned around and walked to the locker room. He felt dizzy. He wanted to puke. He tried his best to undo his skates, but ended up pulling them off by force. Leaving them on the floor, he darted for the bathroom. Covering his mouth with both hands. _I'm going to throw up, I'm going to throw up! I can't breathe!_

As soon as he'd slammed the door shut, he passed out.

* * *

Victor stood on the ice. Waiting.

"Tired little piggy. I know I set your alarm."

He reached for his phone. Nothing, no texts or missed calls. He opened his call log to find Yuuri's number and pressed it. No answer.

Victor skated to the exit and got off the ice. _Might as well get some coffee._ _He's probably on his way._

Walking through the locker room, he felt more at ease. He noticed Yuuri's backpack and skates on the floor. _So he is here._

He sat down on the bench. He decided to wait for him. When maybe ten minutes had passed, Victor found it strange that Yuuri still was a no-show. He picked up his phone again and called Yuuri.

 _That's strange... I think I hear his phone?_

As Victor stood up, wondering why he heard Yuuri's phone with that silly ring signal, he saw Yuuri's shoes on the floor. His heart started to beat faster. _Why would he go anywhere without something on his feet?_

Victor got to Yuuri's voicemail. He hung up and re-dialled. Yuuri's phone rang again. Victor followed the sound, getting more and more worked up. _What the hell is this? Where is he?_

Victor walked past the bathroom two times before he realised that the sound was coming from within.

"Yuuri? Yuuri! Yuuri, are you in there? Are you okay?"

No answer. Victor's heart was beating its way out of his chest. Victor pushed down on the handle and noticed that the door wasn't locked.

"Yuuri, I'm opening the door! I'm coming in, okay?"

Victor buckled at the knees when he saw him. Face down on the floor in a contorted way. A small smear of blood on the basin.

"Yuuri! What the hell, Yuuri! Someone, help!" He filled his lungs to their absolute maximum, screaming as fear took over. "POMOGITE MNE!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Nikiforov, do not move him! Let go, now!"

"Back off, give him room! Hey!"

"Aren't you listening, do not move him! He might've hurt his neck!"

"Excuse us, let us through! Sir, move. Move? Can somebody get him to move?"

* * *

The paramedics were quick to arrive, thanks to the staff who had heard Victor's desperate cries.

As the medical staff took Yuuri's vitals, Victor was taken by the arm. Removed from Yuuri's side. He'd struggled initially, he wanted to see Yuuri's face.

Standing some paces away, he all of a sudden couldn't make himself look in that direction. He was shaking. A deafening rush of adrenaline coursed through him, making everthing sound like he was under water. And yes, it felt as if he was drowning. Strange, that. He'd seen a lot of accidents during his career, even had some of his own. Some had been serious too but all of them, his own or others', had been easy to shake off. They'd been like dipping your feet in a very shallow pool. With Yuuri, that was not the case. It dragged him down into an abyss, so that seeing the light of the surface became impossible.

Victor went outside, still wearing his skates. It felt as if the ground was shaking, though it was his knees. He sat down, putting his head between his legs. He felt sick. He couldn't understand why Yuuri was on the floor of that bathroom.

 _I shouldn't have come here early. I should have gone with him. What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I doing to him?_

In that very moment, Victor blamed himself. Hated himself. And he was scared. Scared to lose what had brought him back to life.

"Victor?" One of the staff members stood at the top of the stairs. She cleared her throat a little. "He's awake now, why don't you come inside?"

"I'll be there. Just a moment." He couldn't make himself to look at up her. When he heard the door close, somewhere behind him, his defences crumbled. Victor Nikiforov wept.

* * *

Victor was hesitant to come back inside. But he wanted to. He wanted to see him. Make sure that he was okay. He needed to come up for air.

Victor was stopped before he could enter the locker room. The paramedics asked him if he'd be comfortable interpreting, not that they couldn't understand English, but just to make sure that nothing was lost in translation. Victor nodded.

Yuuri was on the floor with a neck brace. They had covered him with a bright orange blanket after they had moved with with the help of a stretcher, and had apparently put surgical tape on the gash he had on his forehead. He had a some caked blood in his hairline.

As soon as Victor saw him, he wanted to leave. He couldn't stand seeing him. Not like that. At the same time, he wanted to feel him. Make it better. He felt a terrible tremble in his throat as he went up to Yuuri. He took a deep breath before he sat down on the floor.

"Yuuri?" His voice sounded stronger than he'd imagined it would.

Those dark brown eyes looked at him. Started to tear up. Not before long, they overflowed.

Victor wiped Yuuri's face softly with his hands. The tears kept on coming, but he was quick to catch them. The trembling inside Victor was building up.

"Are you in pain?"

Yuuri sobbed as he lay on the floor, trying to turn his head away but was restricted by the neckbrace. He tried to cover his face with his elbow, whimpering as he did. The display made Victor feel like crying too.

 _He blames me! I can't take this, what have I done? What did I do?_

The paramedics started to ask Yuuri questions with the help of Victor. Yes, he knew his name. Yes, he knew what day it was. Yes, he knew where he was born. No, he couldn't recollect what had happened when he fell. Yuuri said that he felt dizzy and nauseous too. The paramedics looked at each other with concerned expressions on their faces.

Yuuri was recommended to get x-rays taken of his neck just to make sure that he was okay. Yuuri started his 'no, no, everything's okay'-routine and seemed, to Victor at least, very ambivalent. Victor decided to make it easy for him.

* * *

The x-rays seemed okay, but according to the hospital's routine, a second traumatologist would check the images the next day. Yuuri was told to keep the neckbrace on until he'd been officially cleared. They couldn't rule out a possible minor concussion, so Yuuri was told to take it easy and not skate for at least a week. Not watch any TV or use computers. Yuuri seemed indifferent.

Victor rummaged around in Yuuri's backpack as the doctor closed the door behind them. He found Yuuri's skates, shoes and his running jacket. Victor couldn't remember bringing the bag along, nor packing Yuuri's things. It felt strange to him, not being in control. Taking out the shoes, he walked up to Yuuri who was sitting on the exam table.

Yuuri had his eyes locked on the floor. As Victor hunched down, their eyes met for just a second. _What's going on inside you, Yuuri?_ Victor, almost insensibly, trailed his hand along Yuuri's left leg after untying the laces of the sneakers, giving Yuuri's calf a small squeeze as if to tell him to put his foot in. Yuuri did so without a word. When Victor asked if he had tied the shoes too hard, Yuuri barely shook hos head.

Victor left his phone number as they prepared to leave. He was told that he would get the results of the second opinion of the x-ray results early the next day. He was happy to see that one of the nurses had been very accommodating during their visit and had arranged a taxi. Brought him some coffee. He gave her a peck on the cheek as thanks. He couldn't stand being photographed today.

* * *

Neither Yuuri nor Victor spoke in the taxi on the way home.

As they arrived in front of the high rise, Yuuri got out of the taxi before Victor.

"Yuuri! Wait," he called as he watched him disappear into the building. Victor excused himself to the driver and paid the fare, not really caring for the change.

He had a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that the afternoon would be hard for the both of them. He hurried to the entrance.

"Yuuri! Please, Yuuri... Wait!" Victor raised his voice when he saw Yuuri standing in front of the lift, his voice echoing as he did. Yuuri had pressed the button already.

 _Why can't you look at me? What did I do?_

Victor tried to touch him. Tried to pull at his sweater a little, but Yuuri silently moved away. As they got inside the elevator, Victor felt desperate. He felt stupid for doing so, but as he cornered Yuuri, he pressed for the elevator to stop between floors. He got so close that he could feel Yuuri's exhales against his face. It seemed like he was agitated too.

Yuuri averted his gaze immidiately. The small gesture made Victor sick to his stomach. Tears were burning behind his eyelids. Again, he tried to touch him, but got no response. In desperation, he leaned in for a kiss and felt Yuuris hand on his cheek. Brusquely pushing him away.

 _Don't push me away! Don't deny me!_

Victor broke down. He got overwhelmed and all the tension, all the emotions he'd been trying to keep inside for hours ripped through him. Clawed their way out. Leaving him tattered and torn on the inside.

"Yuuri, don't do this. Please, don't do this." He felt tears cascading down his face, but he refused to look away. Refused to dry them. Desperately wanting Yuuri to touch him. To do anything to him. "Don't make this a new Barcelona. Please, Yuuri."

Victor saw Yuuri frown, his eyes fixed on the floor. _Why does that provoke you?_ He grew angry. Grabbed him by the arm.

"What is this about? Tell me, Yuuri!"

Victor's heart fell apart when Yuuri pressed for the lift to continue its way upwards.

* * *

Yuuri wasn't angry. He felt betrayed. A feeling he couldn't carry inside. He knew that if he spoke, he would break. He was afraid to shatter, knowing that the pieces would never be able to fit properly again.

As the lift dinged, he silently walked out. Leaving Victor standing in that corner. He hated himself for doing it. He started to cry as he unlocked the door to the flat. **Their** flat. He leaned against the door as he closed it behind him. Trying to pull it together.

 _Is this the way it's supposed to end? I want us, Victor, but you're set on leaving. I can't have you leave me. I'll die._

He took off his shoes, dropped his backpack and went straight for the bedroom. He tried to remember what Victor said about Makkachin at the hospital, but failed miserably. Since the dog wasn't there, he guessed that probably Yakov had picked him up. That was one less thing to worry about.

As he entered the bedroom, he got undressed. Fighting slightly to get his head out of his sweater. The neckbrace felt clumsy and made it a lot tougher. He got into bed and pulled the duvet up over his head. He curled up, making himself as small as possible. Because that's what he was in the bigger scheme of things. Insignificant.

 _"Don't make this a new Barcelona", huh? Why would he say that?_

Yuuri couldn't fight it any longer. He cried until he fell asleep.

* * *

Victor tried to collect himself. He couldn't believe the last twenty-four hours. He retraced his steps since last night. Eating dinner. Yuuri falling asleep on top of him. Not getting into bed. Leaving for practice. Finding Yuuri on the floor. Being rejected. Being scared. Hating himself.

And now, sitting on the floor of a lift instead of going inside. Seeing Yuuri leave, it felt like the end of him.

Victor stood up, grabbing the handrail as he did for support. _Shall I go home? What will happen if I do? Will he end it?_

He wanted to go to him, out of concern. At the same time, every minute he wasn't home was a prolonging of his relationship. _No, I need... to go outside. Just for a second. Then, I'll go in. I'll... convince him. Convince him that I'm worthy of him. And it'll all be okay. It'll all be like yesterday._

Victor pressed the button for the bottom floor. The lift dinged. Before exiting, he gave himself a look in the mirror. He felt disgusted.

* * *

He had his routine. Ever since he was young, he'd done the same thing. He went outside. Took a walk. Cleared his head. Severing all ties with the people pleaser. Leaving that sad excuse of a human somewhere else.

 _The people pleaser, huh?_

That part of him had taken over. Grown into a monster. A monster riding on his back, whipping him raw. Victor knew this, but he was afraid to face the fact. Face the monster.

He tried to remember when it had taken over. Somewhere between his late teens, early twenties. He'd been appreciated. Cheered on. Revered. He fed off it, initially. It filled a void within him that he couldn't sate. And when he started winning, that side of him exploded.

It was all about others. Pleasing others. Giving himself to them through his body, his movements. Being so occupied at always excelling, no matter the cost. Losing himself in the process. Losing what was important. Losing Life and Love.

But he'd gotten weary. Tired. The monster was slowly running out of whips and flails. But it still wouldn't get off.

Then, he met Yuuri.

 _Yuuri!_

He'd found a new purpose. He'd found someone who filled that void. He didn't need anything else. Nor did he want to.

* * *

Victor unlocked the door. Before opening it, he took a deep breath. What would it mean to go inside? Were they supposed talk? Should they sleep on it? Could they sleep together? Were they still together?

Victor went inside. It was silent. He spotted Yuuri's shoes and backpack. He removed his own shoes and coat.

 _I don't think I can do it today. I can't talk to him, not now._

He headed for the bedroom. Yuuri's clothes were scattered on the floor. He felt scared to approach the bed, but did it anyway.

Yuuri was asleep. His breathing was slow and heavy. The neckbrace looked horrid, a reminder of what had transpired earlier. Victor felt a sting inside when he noticed Yuuri holding on to his pillow. Hugging it.

 _I should have been here to comfort you. I'm sorry._

Victor carefully stroked Yuuri's hair. Removed a strand from his forehead. He had missed touching him today.

 _Thank you for falling asleep._

He sighed as he walked out of the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri woke up in the wee hours of the night. He felt dizzy. Slightly sick to his stomach. The neck brace was chafing, it felt very uncomfortable to have it on.

 _Victor's not here?_

Yuuri felt his heart clench. He struggled with the feeling of being disappointed and the realisation that he'd been a monster. A battle raged within him as he tried to see it from Victor's perspective, which he failed miserably.

Yuuri sat up. His head was spinning. He really, really needed to get to the bathroom. He was feeling sick. Using the wall as a support, he somehow managed to stagger into the bathroom. While on his knees, he put his head into the toilet bowl and threw up.

 _Concussion, huh? My first skating injury took place off the ice. Talk about pathetic._

The room was gyrating. He threw up again. He was feeling as if he's been turned inside out and... What? Something warm against his back. Something that made him relax. The toilet flushed.

"Forgive me." Nothing but a whisper. A hot breath.

 _Victor? He is here?_

Yuuri wasn't sure if he was awake, sleeping or passed out. He thought he felt his hand being held.

"I'll be right back. Relax, Yuuri."

* * *

Yuuri woke to Victor's voice. He was speaking Russian.

He opened his eyes, and tried his best to focus. Yuuri closed them again. He was afraid to get dizzy, and he felt tired. He pulled on the duvet. _Why is Victor speaking Russian?_

He felt Victor's hand on his shoulder. Something was shifting underneath him. Victor had stopped talking. He felt a slight tug around his neck, followed by the sound of velcro.

"You're officially free of this thing as of now, Yuuri. Can you lift your head a little?"

Victor supported Yuuri's head as he did what he was told. It felt good to get rid of the neck brace, Yuuri thought in his confused half asleep-half awake state.

"It's normal to get head aches and feel dizzy after stuff like this, apparently," Victor said, stroking his back. "Let's get you off the floor."

Yuuri opened his eyes. _Floor?_ He was indeed on the bathroom floor, with his head on a pillow, placed in Victor's lap.

"We slept here?" Yuuri had trouble finding his words in English. He felt slightly confused.

"You did. Come, think you can stand?"

Victor shifted underneath him and stood up. Yuuri felt him taking a hold of his arm, but he felt disoriented. His mouth tasted foul.

"Don't think I can."

"I'll carry you, no problem."

Yuuri felt Victor grabbing him, putting his arm around the back of Victor's neck before scooping him up. Effortlessly.

Yuuri leaned his head against Victor's. He felt so tired, barely noticing that he was being put into bed.

"I'm going to let you sleep, Yuuri. I'll be here, don't worry."

He dozed off to the sensation of kisses on his shoulder.

* * *

Victor spent most of his day in bed, only getting out to get Yuuri something to drink and eat. Occationally, he got a call which made him leave Yuuri's side in order to let him rest.

Victor's breakdown on the steps outside of the skating rink, together with a blurry picture taken from afar, had been vigourously retweeted from the account of a local magazine. Of course, it blew up the skating world too. 'Star skater in tears! Return to ice in jeopardy?!'

He felt really annoyed by this. Luckily, the article never mentioned Yuuri's accident. That would have been tougher to deal with in a lot of ways. Victor even left a silly statement on Twitter to tone down the whole thing, so he hoped that all the hubbub would die down not before long.

 _'Whoah, tough day at the rink today! But it's all for you~! See you at Nationals!' Honestly._

Still... the matter between him and Yuuri was like an itch he couldn't scratch. He found solace in the fact that Yuuri needed rest, but dreaded when it was time to bring it up. They had to, though. It was obvious.

Victor decided to make something to eat, something easy enough and something that Yuuri could eat without having to get out of bed.

"Kasha, then".

As the semolina thickened, Victor couldn't stop his mind replaying yesterday's events. Hearing Yuuri's phone. Opening the door to the bathroom. Seeing him on the floor. Feeling panic choke him. It felt too real. As if the emotions lingered within him, still.

He brought out two bowls and poured the semolina. Instead of using jam, he found some blueberries and raspberries in the fridge which he added.

He put both of the bowls on the nightstand, next to his side of the bed. Yuuri was sleeping.

 _He must have bumped his head good. Wonder if he didn't eat breakfast? Low blood sugar?_

Victor slid into bed, waking Yuuri in the gentlest way he knew. Trailing kisses over his back and shoulders.

 _I'll never stop doing this, Yuuri. Never._

Yuuri moaned slightly and shifted around to his back.

 _Not quite awake yet._

Victor traced Yuuri's collarbones with his fingers.

 _I'll do whatever it takes. I swear it. I don't know what to do if I can't have this anymore._

Victor studied Yuuri's face. He had a bruise on his forehead now, where he'd hit the basin. Barely covered by the surgical tape. He looked at ease though, with his slightly tousled hair and separated lips. Victor really wanted to taste them. To forget about everything else and just... just have him.

As Victor covered Yuuri's lips with his, he melted when he understood that Yuuri kissed him back. It was a kiss with a meaning. It promised much.

* * *

"Mmph..."

Yuuri's body responded to Victor's surprising mewl. He shifted a little. Touching him would definitely lead to something else and Yuuri wasn't sure that he could handle it. Not right now.

Feeling Victor's hot exhales between the kisses, against his mouth and lips, made his head throb. He pulled back, feeling very unsatisfied and slightly nauseous.

"No. No more, my head is..."

He met Victor's eyes. Those lovely oceans of blue could only be surpassed by his heartfelt and earnest smile. Yuuri's breathing almost stopped as he was met by just that. The super nova smile of the real Victor.

"I'll go get you something."

Yuuri nodded slightly, savoring the feeling of Victor sliding his fingers across his jawline.

Victor was quick to return with a glass of water and painkillers. Yuuri downed them immediately.

"I made you something. It's easy on the stomach."

Yuuri shifted into a sitting position and was presented with the semolina porridge. They ate together, not really saying much. He appreciated Victor touching him every once in a while. It made it feel like how it was before.

"Thank you. I really mean it, Victor." Yuuri handed Victor the bowl.

"Don't mention it."

Yuuri felt guilt gnawing at his conscience. In an attempt to make the feeling subside, he crawled into Victor's arms. He felt thankful that Victor instinctively pulled him close, nuzzling up to him.

 _You always meet me where I am. For that, I'll be in your debt forever._

* * *

 _To: Yakov_

 _I'm resting myself into shape :p Tomorrow, I promise! I'll pick Makka up afterwards. See you then!_

Victor had been getting some heat from Yakov since Yuuri's accident. Not surprising. He had a tendency to bark louder when he was worried. Him saying really inconsiderate things was also a part of the deal.

Victor scrolled through their message history. 'What kind of coach are you?!' 'You get back here tomorrow, he just bumped his head!' 'Are you coming today? It's not like YOU were in an accident!' 'Think about Nationals!' 'You're not here today either! You are a skater, not a nurse!' 'When will you pick up the dog?'

Victor smiled. He loved Yakov's tough love-take on things. It had molded him into who he was today, and although the old man seemed like a real nightmare to be around, he was a very caring coach. They had a wonderful relationship. And Victor loved to press his buttons.

It had been three days since Yuuri's fall. Victor knew that he probably should get back to the rink for practice, but he felt apprehensive.

 _I really need to talk to Yuuri..._

The sensation of fingers playing over his stomach made him look to the side.

"Oh, you're awake?" He put away his phone on the nightstand. "Doing okay?"

Yuuri scooted closer, putting his head on his chest.

"Yes, I'm okay. Feels better overall today."

Victor absently fondled Yuuri's ear as they remained close, saying nothing for a while.

Victor's phone beeped. He reached out and grabbed it. A text message from the assistant of the director of orchestra. At the Mariinsky.

 _From: Ms. Garshina_

 _You are welcome to come to the Mariinsky today for an audio test between 13:00-14:00. Please reply if you intend to come._

Victor felt relieved. Getting the music to the short program really would take a load off his shoulders. Going there today would allow him to tweak the program to the music during his session tomorrow.

"Yuuri, I need to go out for a bit after lunch."

"Uh-huh. What are you going to do?"

"The music for the short program is done, they want me there for an audio test."

Victor wasn't sure, maybe it was all an imagination, but it seemed like Yuuri tensed up. Just for a fraction of a second.

"Oh..."

 _He sounds... disappointed?_

"Can... can I come with?"

Victor hesitated. He didn't really feel like involving Yuuri in his own work, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because of his own high standards and will to tweak things into perfection before presentation, but the fact that they were competitors now added to the already complex equation. Also, Yuuri was a person who easily swayed and became affected by things around him. Not bringing him would prevent that.

He agreed, against his better judgment.

* * *

The Mariinsky was indeed an impressive establishment, catering to the needs of aficionados of the higher arts. Yuuri had never visited such a place before. He was blown away. It was like he was introduced to yet another part of Victor's life as a professional, one he could never imagined. _Adding another piece of the puzzle that is him._

Yuuri found himself to feel really out of place. Victor on the other hand, blended in perfectly. Immaculately dressed. He was that otherwordly, enthusiastic and passionate person Yuuri had admired since boyhood. The unattainable Victor. It felt different seeing that side of him in that parcticular setting.

They were instructed by the seemingly all-business Ms. Garshina to enter one of the chambers located on the fourth floor. Some members of the theatre's orchestra were tuning their instruments, preparing to perform. Victor shook hands with the conductor, and went over to sit next to Yuuri.

"This is going to be amazing," Victor remarked as he sat down, stroking Yuuri's thigh for a fraction of a second. Yuuri nodded, taken aback by Victor's smile. He was terrified of what he was going to experience.

The orchestra started.

The piece was sublime. Starting forcefully, almost demanding. Craving attention, pulling you in. Ever so slowly, the piece turned into a lament, a wish for something else. Yuuri found himself gripping the armrest of his chair.

 _I wasn't imagining it. This is Victor's swan song._

Yuuri glanced at Victor from the corner of his eye. Victor looked absolutely spellbound.

As the piece ended, Victor was quick to get on his feet to shake hands with everyone on stage. Yuuri saw Victor turn to face him, looking ecstatic. He saw him mouth 'amazing'. Yuuri smiled and gave Victor a small nod.

 _I need to keep it together._

* * *

He felt good. The music to the short program was perfect, and he couldn't help himself feeling like he was getting somewhere. Planning for a skating season involved constant reinvention, something Victor found challenging. Being driven by an extreme passion, he never settled for anything below what he'd already achieved. And it was getting harder and harder to top his old achievements.

"Let's stop here", Victor said as the pair passed a Teremok, just a short walk from their flat.

"Oh? Uh, sure."

"You are hungry, right? We can take it with us if you like."

"Sure..."

 _He's off, for some reason._

"Yuuri? Are you feeling okay? We can always go home, so..."

"I'm fine!"

Yuuri's outburst made people notice them. Victor gave Yuuri a long look, but said nothing.

"Are you coming?" Victor pointed at the entrance.

Yuuri shook his head.

"I'll be there in a second!" Victor sounded cheery, but he was feeling disturbed by Yuuri's mood. Inside, he ordered some blinis and borscht. He tried hard not thinking about Yuuri as the cashier asked for a selfie.

* * *

"I'm picking up Makkachin tomorrow, if that's okay?" The two of them sat in the sofa, waiting for the borscht to cool.

"Of course! I can come with you if you want company?"

Victor felt puzzled. Yuuri's mood had changed again during the short walk home. Brighter, just like that.

 _He's not well. This is not my piggy._

"Well... I'm picking him up after practice, so I can do it myself. You have four more days of relaxation, you know. You better make good use of it, I'm going to wear you out," Victor said whilst winking at Yuuri.

"Prac...tice, huh..."

Victor stopped blowing on his spoonful of soup. _What is going on with him?_

"Yuuri, listen..." _Let's see what happens. Maybe he'll tell me what's wrong, maybe he won't._ "Ever since you fell, you've been acting strange." Victor put the styrofoam cup on the floor. He leaned in, put a reassuring hand on Yuuri's thigh as he spoke silently into his ear. "Isn't it about time you told me what's going on?"

Victor could never have prepared himself for what was coming.


	4. Chapter 4

Yuuri felt it again. The lightheadedness. The churning in his stomach. The trembles on the inside. _'What's going on', you ask? Maybe I should ask you the same thing. You liar! You fucking liar!_

He felt Victor take his styrofoam cup out of his hands, heard the light sound it made as it was put on the floor. Thoughts were rushing in his mind, like a flock of birds in flight. Impossible to catch just one.

With his eyes fixed on his hands, Victor being inches away from his face, he tried his best. Tried his best to not make it awkward, tried his best to manage the situation. Tried his best to keep it together. He shut down.

It started small, at first. The excessive blinking to fight off the tears. The stiffened body position so that he wouldn't shake. The clenched jaw to despreately prevent any sound that wanted to escape his lips, stifle the cry that was ramming him from the inside.

Victor's forehead resting against his shoulder was all it took. He unraveled. First, the tears. The abundance of tears, like a dam that burst. Then, the shaking. The violent shaking that made him lose control. And then, finally, the cry. The cry of a desperate soul, loud and wordless but still comprehensible, it's meaning obvious. At least to him. _Stay close to me and never leave._

"Eh?"

He barely noticed Victor's surprised interjection. He just wanted to hold on, hold on to what was his.

"Yuu...!" Victor's voice got cut off when Yuuri threw himself at him, clawing off his glasses as he did. Almost tipping Victor over by the impact .

He dug his fingers into Victor's back. Pressed his face against his chest, screaming into the fabric of Victor's sweater.

It felt like the scene was neverending, like he'd been desperately been clinging on for life for at least an eternity. He felt Victor's body against him, felt one arm resting on his hunched back, one hand on the back of his head. Fingers in his hair. Pressing him closer. Trying to console. Trying to mend. Trying to soothe. But not saying anything.

Not that it mattered.

* * *

At first, he felt overwhelmed. Uncomfortable. Inadequate. But as the seconds turned to minutes, he felt at ease. It was enough, apparently. Just being there. Recieving his pain and filter it through himself.

He heard small sobs, muffled against his chest. Heavy breaths creating warm spots under his sweater, against his skin. Somehow, it felt like an honour that Yuuri chose to show him his pain. All those little broken parts within him that Victor still tried to understand but rarely got to see.

As it got more still, more quiet, Victor dared to speak again.

"Oh, Yuuri." He held him hard. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, but words kept on coming anyway. "When you're on the ice, there's nothing I don't understand. The way you move, the way you express yourself... there's nothing unclear. You speak volumes. But now," he sighed a little, "that you're here, in front of me, I... I really don't know what you're trying to say."

He sifted his fingers through Yuuri's hair.

"Can you help me?"

He heard something muffled in response.

"What?" He tried to move Yuuri away from him, he couldn't hear him when he spoke into his sweater. Yuuri held on tighter, but eventually, he loosened his grip. Turned his face a little to the side.

"Please don't leave. Victor, I beg of you, don't leave."

"Leave? What do you mean 'leave'?"

"I know," Yuuri sniffed, "that there are probably a million reasons for you to go, so... But... can't you find one reason, just one, to stay?"

Victor was dumbfounded. _Leave to go where? Doesn't he want me to go to practice tomorrow?_

"I... don't understand," Victor said sheepishly.

"I.. uh..." Yuuri inhaled, it sounded like a staccato. "The other day? You know? When I fell, I..."

"Mhm?" Victor put his hands underneath Yuuri's shirt, relishing the warmth that seeped into his fingers.

"Well, I... panicked. I got an anxiety attack and... Well, I was about to throw up so I, uh, ran for the bathroom but, you know I..."

Victor tightened his grip around Yuuri's back. He was under the impression that Yuuri's anxiety was connected to him performing, him putting too much pressure on himself to succeed. Just thinking too much. But practice isn't like performing in that regard. Victor tried to connect the dots in his mind, but came to the conclusion that he needed more in order to pull it off.

"So, why...?"

There was a long silence between them. Yuuri finally spoke.

"I... I saw you, Victor. On the ice. It became clear to me that... you're going."

"Going...?"

Victor got pushed away before he even realised it. Yuuri was looking straight at him, more angry than sad.

"You're going to quit! You're going to quit competitive skating! You're a liar, Victor! A... fucking liar!"

Victor felt as if he'd been struck by lightning. In all honesty, and Victor knew he had a hard time being honest with himself regarding this topic, he was tired. Tired of competing. Tired of reinventing. Tired of feeling like he was walking on a tightrope in regards to what his body could take. Tired of that side of him that pushed him constantly closer to the edge. Tired of the monster inside him who constantly deprived him of everything, everything but skating. But he never said it to anyone, not even to himself.

Victor recalled what he'd been doing once his practice was over and he waited for Yuuri. He'd been doing something, true, but as far as he remembered, he was ad-libbing for the free program. And the movements were... _Oh..._

Victor shook his head.

 _Of course he understood. Oh, Yuuri..._

* * *

Victor's silence was proof enough, he thought. He lowered his head, feeling borderline furious.

"So," Yuuri continued, "all the things we promised each other, that's just nothing? Empty words? Words from the fickle and impulsive Victor Nikiforov, who does whatever he wants, when he wants it?!"

The continuous silence triggered Yuuri even more.

"You told me that I was selfish! In Barcelona! I thanked you and wanted to retire after the Grand Prix! It was you who wanted to continue, you called me selfish! Tell me Victor, what does that make you?! Now that you're going!"

"Yuuri... you don't need me on the ice in order to compete. You really don't." Victor sounded hurt.

Yuuri was about to speak again, but was silenced by Victor, putting up one hand as to stop him from responding.

"And before you go off again, listen. Listen carefully. What we have, it's more than a coach-student relationship. It's more than being fellow competitors. You know this. We laugh together, we cry together, we live together. Hell, we're sleeping together! Having sex together!"

The silence was deafening. Yuuri felt tense, like he didn't dare to even take a breath.

Victor continued, in a slightly lower voice. "I love you Yuuri. Stop being so pig-headed. There's a life after skating too, and our life, our love... It's just beginning, you know?"

Yuuri felt like he'd been slapped across the face. He felt dazed, tried to work through what he'd heard. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad. He was interrupted by Victor's hands on his face, his thumb tracing his lower lip.

Glancing to the side, Yuuri swallowed before he spoke. "But I do need you on the ice, Victor. I..."

Before Yuuri could finish the scentence, he was interrupted by warm lips against his.

"We'll continue this later but not today, okay," Victor said. "The borscht is already cold."

* * *

They didn't say much to each other, that evening.

After dinner, Yuuri fell asleep on the sofa whilst Victor was doing the dishes. Victor had a slight headache. He felt strangely dissatisfied about the discussion they had earlier. Sure, he had finally been let in on what had been on Yuuri's mind and the reason to his accident at the rink, but he felt as if he never got the chance to explain. Explain his side of things. Why it felt right to just do the upcoming season and really push himself, one last time. Why he needed to step down before... well, before he still could do it with pride and feel good about what he'd achieved.

Also, Yuuri's reaction had been strange. Victor couldn't wrap his head around why Yuuri went off and exploded like that. To Victor, last season had been Yuuri's rebirth. He had blossomed into a skater that would continue to be dangerous for years to come. And Yuuri did that with Victor on the sidelines. _I don't need to be on the ice for him to grow. I really don't._

Victor decided to push those thoughts out, for now at least. He wasn't really interested in hashing it out again soon. It had been tough for the both of them.

As Victor put the last plate on the dishrack, his thoughts drifted off to tomorrow's practice. _I need to tell Yakov. This is going to be our last season together._

He dried his hands and walked from the kitchen to the sofa. Yuuri was sleeping soundly. Victor put his hand on his shoulder and rocked it slightly. Yuuri groaned a little.

"Bed, Yuuri."

"Soon," he sighed, barely awake.

Victor bent down and kissed Yuuri on the temple.

"Might as well take a shower," he said to himself. "I'll be back for you."

* * *

Yuuri heard Victor walk into the bathroom. He knew that it would be best if he just got up, brushed his teeth and went to bed, but he felt so tired. Also, sleeping prevented his mind from remembering the argument that had taken place earlier. Yuuri knew that his mind often acted like a hamster wheel. Once it started, it was difficult to redirect the thoughts and they usually kept spinning until he was mentally worn out.

He sighed and stretched out his arms and legs, whimpering a little as he did. He decided to get up, that way he could get to bed faster and hopefully fall asleep without thinking too much.

He entered the bathroom. Victor was in the shower, shampooing his hair. Yuuri reached for his toothbrush and looked himself in the mirror. He looked just about what he had expected him to. Horrible. He didn't know what to think about today.

Victor's voice made him glance over in his direction.

"You're awake? I thought that I would find you asleep out there."

Victor sounded cheery. As always after something like this. Yuuri felt somewhat annoyed.

Yuuri put his toothbrush back into the glass where Victor's was placed. It looked better with the two of them together in that glass.

Yuuri turned around and placed his glasses on the bathroom cabinet. He took off his shirt and put it in the hamper. He unbuttoned his jeans, and as he did he heard Victor whistle appreciatively.

"You're joining me, Yuuri? I was just about done, but for you... I can stay here for a little bit longer."

Yuuri took off his socks and boxers and left them on the floor. He needed a diversion, and fast. He felt his mind kickstarting, he wanted those thoughts gone.

Victor moved slightly out of the way, letting Yuuri claim most of the space underneath the showerhead. Yuuri tilted his head back, feeling the water over his face. _If other things were just as easy to just... wash away._

He reached for the bottle of shampoo and squirted out a little in the palm of his hand. As he started to lather his hair, with his arms above his head, he felt Victor's body against his back. He ignored him. Victor wasn't discouraged, however, as he pressed himself closer. As if he thought that Yuuri didn't notice him.

Yuuri took his time and rinsed out the shampoo thoroughly. He turned around and pulled his fingers through his hair, knowing very well what kind of effect that would have on Victor. Maybe this was just the kind of diversion he needed.

"I love that look. No, I love how you look."

Yuuri inhaled as Victor came close. He felt him caress he jawline, and made no struggle when he tipped his chin up. They united in a kiss that made Yuuri forget about everything. It was just them now, the only thing that felt important.

Victor took hold of Yuuri's arms, forcing them above his head. Yuuri decided not to let Victor escape his eyes, and kept the eye contact. He felt aroused when he heard Victor hum a little, deep in his throat.

"Really, Yuuri?"

Victor came even closer, but Yuuri stood his ground. He tried to wiggle an arm out of Victor's grip, but it became stronger.

"You won't let me go, Victor?" Yuuri tried to kiss him, but was pushed back against the wall by Victor's hips.

Victor shook his head. "Tsk-tsk. What will you do, Yuuri?"

Yuuri lifted his head slightly, a small defiant gesture. Still not breaking the eye contact. "No," he responded. "Question is, what will you do, Victor? What will you do, now that you have me pinned against the wall like this?"

Yuuri soon found out what Victor had in mind, and it was marvellous. Just the diversion he craved.


	5. Chapter 5

As the silence spread itself across the rink, Yakov finally spoke.

"That looked... good, Vitya. I have some minor pointers, but that can wait. Come over here, boy."

Victor was pleased. It had been hard work, but the short program had, as of now, been greenlit by Yakov. He skated over to his coach, grabbed the water bottle and rested his elbows on the board of the rink. He took a sip between his breaths.

"How do you like the music?" Victor glanced at Yakov, pretending to untwist the lid of the bottle.

"It's a little dramatic, but sure, it suits the program well." There was a silence. "You did good, Vitya."

"Oh-hoh, Yakov! What's this, getting soft in your old age?"

"Shut it."

They stood silently beside each other. To Victor, the silence acted as the last haven before daring to take a leap into the unknown. He took a deep breath.

"Yakov... I'm retiring after this season. You're the first I've told. I'll announce it officially when this season is done."

There was a pause. After a while, Yakov spoke. "Vitya, remember when you first came to take skating lessons?"

"I do."

"I believe your father brought you. Said it would be good for you to have something to do when he and your mother were working. You were, what, six..."

"Five."

"...five years old. You had a will of your own, even back then." Yakov laughed. "And that mouth on you! Always talking back." Yakov seemed to have gotten lost in memories, but when Victor opened his mouth to say something, the coach resumed his nostalgic speech.

"You've always been a natural, Vitya. After only two-three years, I knew that you would become something special. You were interested. Passionate. Thorough. Unafraid. You knew what it would take to be at the very top, and you've always stepped up to the occation."

"Thank you, Yakov. You'll always be the only coach for me."

The old man laughed, and patted Victor on his back. "I know, Vitya. I know."

It was apparent that Yakov still was still thinking of old times. Victor decided to redirect the conversation.

"Have you ever felt trapped, Yakov?"

"Coaching you? All the time!"

Victor let that tongue-in-cheek remark slide.

"I think that this period of my life has been... Well, it's been great. It really has. I'd be an idiot to complain. But I... have found other things I would like to invest in now. Other things that I like more. Other things that I never got around to explore, that I recently understood that I both need and want. Sadly, they never found any room in my life before. Not until now... Am I crazy to walk away?"

"No. You're not. You're not, Vitya."

"Thanks. Competitive skating has been my life for so long, but..." Victor was feverishly searching for the right words. He'd never tasted them before, the flavour and texture of them felt unusual to him. "... it's been pricey, you know? On so many levels."

"Your body's saying no? Or is it still your motivation? I had a hunch that this was coming considering your break and all, last season. Didn't I tell you that it would be hard for you to come back?"

"It's not just that, Yakov. Indeed, it's getting harder every year, but I can stand it. Sure, my motivation was faltering a bit but... It's more what it has done to... me. On the inside, I guess."

They looked at each other, then back at the ice.

"Why haven't you told me this sooner," Yakov asked.

Victor sighed a little. He knew the answer, but he wasn't sure if he should tell Yakov or not. He decided, after some thought, that it was probably time.

"Well... I've never wanted to disappoint you."

Yakov sighed deeply. "The day you disappoint me, Vitya, still hasn't come. I doubt it never will."

Victor looked at his coach. That small sentence made Victor feel like he had made the right choice. Finally deciding it and acknowledging that he wanted it.

"I'll give it my all, this very last time. I won't go easy on them. Any of them. So, you better prepare your prima ballerina for what's to come. Prepare him good, because he's going to chase me for years to come."

In a rare moment between this coach and student, they embraced.

* * *

Yuuri woke up as soon as Victor got out of bed that morning. He had watched him dress, not making him know that he was indeed awake. The way Victor's muscles moved as he put on his clothes, almost made him reach out and pull him back into bed. But he stopped himself, watched him leave and heard him shut the door.

As soon as the door was being locked, his phone lit up. A message. From him.

 _From: Victor_

 _Don't think about yesterday. Only on how it ended. And it was great. xxx_

Yuuri wanted to do what Victor asked of him, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure what to think of the previous day. His feelings. Victor's feelings. Their argument. One thing he did know was that he was scared. Of a lot of things.

The idea of not having Victor on the ice brought out so many feelings within him. Feelings he couldn't stand, feelings he couldn't figure out. For Yuuri, it was impossible to know how to approach any of them. He tried, repeatedly, to understand why he felt rejected, insecure, unsure, betrayed. He ended up feeling tired, saddened, and decided to try to scatter the thoughts.

He picked up his phone.

 _To: Victor_

 _It was. I lo_

He stopped typing. _Why can't I say it? I can't even make myself write it! But I do. I know I do. And that is what scares me the most._

 _To: Victor_

 _It was. Please come home soon. /Y_

* * *

Victor was happy to pick up Makkachin, and it seemed like the dog was just as glad to meet its master.

"Thanks, Yakov. See you tomorrow!" Victor made a small wave with his hand before he turned around. "Come, Makkachin!"

Victor started to walk home from the rink, leaving Makkachin off the leash. The poodle plodded along, knowing very well that he was heading home.

Victor picked up his phone, and started to text as he walked. He'd noticed Yuuri's response as soon as his phone beeped that morning, but he hadn't been in the right state of mind to answer. He felt much better now.

 _To: Yuu~ri!_

 _On my way! I want to see you, and so does Makkachin! Training was good, Yakov=happy. xxx_

 _To: Yuu~ri!_

 _Doing ok, btw? xxx_

He kept the phone in his hand, ready to text back.

As Victor went across the Tuchkov bridge, Makkachin barked and took off. Victor, who had been in his own thoughts, looked up as the poodle darted across the bridge. A smile spread across Victor's face, instinctively. He put the phone back in his pocket.

"Yuuri!" _What a pleasant surprise._

Victor saw Yuuri at a distance, as he was crouching down to meet Makkachin. It made him feel warm inside. When they met, closer to Yuuri's side of the bridge, they embraced.

"Hey, you. Had a good day?"

"Mhm. Missed you at home, though..."

Victor kissed his forehead.

"Yuuri, let's take a walk." Victor put his arm around Yuuri's shoulders. As Yuuri leaned in a little, resting his head against him, Victor couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"You're awfully happy today." Yuuri looked up at him, showcasing a small smile, too.

"I'm just so glad to see you."

* * *

They weren't in a hurry. Walking alongside each other, making sure that they were always touching... Yuuri felt at ease. He'd missed this. He'd missed Victor.

As they were on their way home after aimlessly walking around town for quite some time, with Makkachin running some paces before them, Yuuri felt that he needed to say something. Something about the previous afternoon. He thought about how to make his thoughts into words, how he could make them understandable. Not only to Victor, but to himself as well.

His thoughts were interrupted by Victor as they turned the last corner leading up to their street.

"Let's go out tonight, Yuuri."

"Out? Sure, what do you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know," Victor responded. "Thought it would be nice. Anything you'd like to do?"

"We can always go out to eat? I mean, we don't have to do anything, really..." Yuuri looked at Victor. "Victor, anything with you is fine." He felt Victor's grip tighten around his waist.

"Then, it's settled. Dinner and maybe something else. We can decide once we head out, maybe?"

Yuuri nodded in response.

They approached their building. Yuuri waited for both Victor and Makkachin to enter at the bottom floor, holding the door as they passed through. Victor walked a few paces ahead, and pressed the button for the lift. As Yuuri approached them, Victor took a step back as to invite him to stand in front of him.

"A lot of things seem to happen in this lift. At least for us," Victor said softly in Yuuri's ear as the put his arms around him from behind.

Yuuri tried not to sigh. He remembered when he first got to St Petersburg. That was a memory he wanted to hold on to, feeling absolute desire and hunger. How they had feverishly kissed for the first time in a little more than a month, reluctantly letting the other go once the lift stopped at their floor. And then, there was the most recent, not so pleasant memory of him walking out on Victor, leaving him there with no explanation as to why things were they way they were.

"I know," Yuuri finally answered. He turned around, and put his arms around Victor. Not quite an embrace, but still very loving. Still very close. "I'm sorry."

Victor's hand on his cheek was calming, his eyes warm. Yuuri realised that Victor had a way of letting things go that seemed to healthy. That was something he really wanted to understand. Maybe even learn.

The lift dinged. Victor made no effort to let go.

"Victor?"

Yuuri felt Victor's lips on his. He closed his eyes. _I will always want you._

The feeling of Victor's hands on his back, pressing him closer into the kiss made his heart beat a little faster. Yuuri responded with putting his hands in Victor's hair, feeling his back arch a little as Victor pulled him closer. He heard the doors of the lift close behind him, but payed little attention to it.

"Press it again."

Victor's words against his mouth were commanding. Yuuri felt instantly turned on by this. He quickly let go of Victor with one hand, searching after the button. Not quite finding it. He felt the grip around him being loosened, his hand being put back around Victor's neck.

"Don't worry, I'll do it."

How they, and the dog, made it through the front door remained a mystery.


	6. Chapter 6

Starting with something as simple as a touch, escalating into a kiss and ending with reciprocity. The sensation of skin against skin. And the intention of making it last. That's what they were looking for, and trying vehemently to achieve.

Coats on the floor, just beside the door. Shoes strewn, in multiple rooms. Clothes, not willing to come off and the struggle and collaboration to make it so.

They had never been as determined, as needy, as intuitive as they were in that moment. Constantly wanting more, giving more.

As the sensation of the final touch waned, they looked into each other's eyes. Feeling sure, at least at that very moment, that nothing could ever divide them.

* * *

Yuuri was the first one to wake up. That had been... crazy. He felt his cheeks heat up. He barely remembered what had happened after they came through the door, being nothing but mouths and moans. It had been a display of raw lust, a feverish and almost unsatable need and understanding between them.

Yuuri got lost in his thoughts, trying hard to remember everything. Every touch, every look, every breath, every move... As he saw Makkachin on the floor just outside the bedroom, looking at him with a very reproachful stare, he felt mortified.

He averted his eyes. Feeling Victor's body against his back, his arms around him and the slow and steady puffs of warm air being exhaled onto his neck made him more at ease. He turned to rest on his back, trying his best not to wake Victor. Yuuri studied his sleeping face. The slightly parted lips, the silver hair, the expression of someone being utterly content even in his sleep... Victor looked divine.

 _He's gorgeous. He could have anyone he wants and he's... with me?_

Yuuri noticed Victor's eyes play underneath his eyelids. His breathing slightly irregular. Soon enough, those radiant blue eyes stared back at him. Almost piercing him. A smile followed, then a soft kiss.

"Did I wake you?"

"Not at all." Victor's voice was hoarse, sleepy. He touched Yuuri's face. "Yuuri, that was..."

Yuuri was quick to interrupt him. He knew. "Yes," he said, "it was." He couldn't keep the eye contact, thinking about them being together. _Not like that. Not right now._

Victor apparently caught on, adding to Yuuri's abashment with a warm laugh.

Yuuri answered by hiding his face against Victor's chest.

"You have it in you, you know," Victor said softly. "That part of you... is also you, Yuuri. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I love it." Victor nuzzled his hair.

Yuuri felt his face ignite.

"So," Victor said as if to redirect the conversation, "want something to eat?"

Yuuri nodded in response. Still in hiding.

"Stay there, I'll fix something."

Yuuri felt the warmth disappear as Victor got out of bed.

"Victor?"

"Mhm?"

"If... if you're going to the kitchen to actually make something, at least put something on?"

Victor's laugh grew faint as he headed for the kitchen.

* * *

Victor popped into the bathroom on his way to the kitchen, just to humor Yuuri. He grabbed his bathrobe and put it on.

The flat looked messy, to Victor's enjoyment. It was messy for a good cause. A very good one. He couldn't help himself a small sound of appreciation left his lips.

He washed his hands and proceeded to look for something edible inside the fridge. As he decided on making a salad, there were quite a lot of veggies left and some chicken from the day before, his thoughts started to wander.

It had been a great day so far. The session with Yakov, cementing the short program and finally, finally breaking the news to him. The walk home, surprisingly being met up by Yuuri. The promise the kiss made while waiting for the lift and how it was followed through. Victor had to stop what he was doing, shredding carrots, when he thought about him and Yuuri. An indescribable feeling took over, making him warm inside. Weak at the knees.

At that very moment, Victor knew that he'd finally found what had been missing in his life for so long. That particular feeling he'd never felt before, towards someone else. And it had all started with meeting Yuuri.

"Oh? You're hungry too," Victor asked Makkachin as the poodle pawed his bowl, looking back at him with a very encouraging look. "You've given me so much," he whispered into the fur, as he sat down to give the dog a bountiful serving of kibble. "We have someone to share everything with now, Makka. I hope you're as happy as I am."

Victor resumed his cooking, picked out plates and silverware and returned to the bedroom. The sight of clothes all over made his heart skip a beat.

"Here, Yuuri," Victor said as the gave Yuuri his plate.

"Thank you!" Yuuri's face lit up.

Victor moved Yuuri's t-shirt that had gotten stuck underneath the duvet, as he returned to sit beside him.

"Know what, Yuuri? Before dinner tonight, we're going to buy you some clothes. I think we ripped this one."

"Huh?"

"Afraid so," Victor responded, having a hard time to stifle the smile that wanted to take over. He put down his plate on the bed. "See?" Victor held up the t-shirt. Sure enough, it had ripped from the neckline, half-way along the seam on the side.

Victor loved the fact that Yuuri, again, avoided eye contact. He leaned in and kissed him on the neck.

They both looked at each other, and fell into a roaring laugh.

* * *

"Humor me, Yuu~ri!"

Yuuri sighed. Victor had been trying to convince him for, as far as Yuuri was concerned, quite some time.

"It's not me, Victor. It'll make me feel out of place." Yuuri looked at his reflection. _Victor can dress like this and pull it off, but... not me!_

"If you're worried about the price, don't be. See it as your moving-in present from me." Victor started to talk to the clerk in Russian.

Yuuri pulled his fingers through his hair. _Why does he keep making choices for me that I'm really uncomfortable with? I want to have a say._

"Wear it tonight. You look amazing."

Yuuri felt Victor's hand touch the small of his back, ever so briefly.

"Fine," he sighed, his eyes locked on the floor. "Thank you."

Victor touched his face. Trailed his thumb just below his eye.

"Thank you, Yuuri."

As they exited the tailors, Victor was quick to put his arm around Yuuri's shoulders.

"Don't hold it against me, Yuuri. I really wanted it for you, you know? You look great tonight, which is a must concidering were we're going."

"Really? You've been planning this for some time, then?"

Victor squeezed his shoulder.

"Not at all!"

 _Always the spur of the moment-Victor._ Yuuri kissed his hand.

* * *

If Yuuri had felt uncomfortable with his new wardrobe, it was nothing in comparison to the feeling he got as he entered the Palkin.

"Great, huh?" Victor beamed. "I'm so happy to take you to a place like this. It's probably one of the top five places to eat in St Petersburg."

Shortly after they were greeted by the staff, they were shown into the main hall. Yuuri couldn't stop looking at the interior with big eyes. It was exquisite. Thick and heavy drapes framed the tall windows, chandeliers hung from the cieling and mosaic frescoes donned the walls. It all came together, creating an unique ambience.

They were handed the menues after being assigned to their seats.

"Lovely place, don't you think? It's over 200 years old," Victor said as the waiter walked away with their drink order.

"It's amazing." Yuuri tried to find words. Deep inside, he felt that the whole evening had been quite... lavish.

"Yuuri? Let me do this for you tonight, please? I want to." Victor's eyes were sincere. "When we both are practising again, there won't be time for this, so..."

Yuuri reached out and held Victor's hand. He suddenly felt stupid.

"Forgive me, Victor. Thank you."

* * *

A lovely meal. Some wine. Loosened neckties, loosened thoughts. The evening was perfect.

As they exited the Palkin, both in extremely high spirits, Yuuri felt a slight buzz. He really couldn't cope with alcohol. Victor had been drinking a bit more than him, but seemed more sober.

"I need to hold on to you a little," Yuuri said to Victor, trying to steady himself. Victor responded by holding his waist, cooing slightly.

"Too much? You feel done for the night?"

"No," Yuuri answered. "Let's walk for a bit."

The pair turned towards the Anichkov bridge, having a hard time to keep off each other. Stopping frequently to kiss.

"Let's go in here!" Victor exclaimed once they passed the bridge, steering Yuuri as he turned the corner.

"A club? Really, Victor?" Yuuri laughed at Victor's blatant excitement.

"It'll be fun! Latin dance night! I already know you can do the Paso, Yuuri!"

 _I can?_

They entered, bumping into people on their way out. A band was playing salsa, the floor was filled with couples fighting for room in the cramped space.

Yuuri felt warm inside, seeing Victor's eyes light up as they went further in to grab a seat.

"Drinks, Yuuri?"

"Just the one, then," Yuuri answered, being well-aware that his inhibitions still worked perfectly fine. He wanted it to stay that way.

As always, Victor's mere presence made people flock around him as he stood and waited at the bar. Yuuri realised that he would probably have felt a sting of jealousy if it wasn't for the alcohol. Or maybe it was because of the time they had spent together earlier? He felt confident now, which was surprising to him. He even let Victor go up on the floor by himself, without feeling flustered.

The band started to play a tango.

Yuuri watched Victor, leading a very cute girl across the floor. He was kind with her, taking his time and being patient when the dance lacked flow. Yuuri felt a flutter inside, seeing Victor being all smiles. Being that approachable person that easily bonded with people, no matter what they could possibly bring to the table. But somewhere, Yuuri knew that the flutter originated in him knowing that Victor only had eyes for him. Shooting glances across the floor that spoke louder than words.

The band took a break, and Victor became occupied with a small following of women crowding around him. He saw Victor motion in his direction, feeling slightly curious about the conversation he was in. Victor walked up to him with his female following in tow.

"Yuuri!" The girls made a very appreciative noise when they heard his name. "They find it amusing that you have a Russian name," Victor translated. "Feel like showing the girls how it's done?"

"Eh? Me?"

"Absolutely. I know you know the Paso, Yuuri. How about Tango? Argentine Tango?"

Yuuri felt put on the spot, he wasn't sure he wanted to dance with someone just for the sake of it. Again, his inhibitions were still working the way they should. But yes, he knew some Tango.

It was like Victor could read his mind. As he leaned forward, Yuuri understood that he would definitely regret saying no.

"You're going to dance with me." Victor's voice was like a caress. Close and warm. With the intention of leading to something else.

Yuuri accepted, without hesitation. Finishing his drink, he took off his jacket, loosened his tie and opened the cuffs of his shirt as he followed Victor to the floor.

Victor spoke to the band, and came up to Yuuri. Yuuri's heart started to beat faster, almost automatically.

"Ready?" Victor's voice was a whisper in his ear. "I'll lead. You show them what true passion looks like. Make them jealous. Make them desperately want to be you. Tease me."

* * *

As the music started, they got lost in each other. Barely hearing anything else than their own breathing, not paying attention to anything or anyone else than themselves.

They really showed everyone what true passion was, that night.


	7. Chapter 7

They stumbled in late. Victor went out with Makkachin without thinking twice, Yuuri went straight for the bathroom.

 _What an amazing day._ Yuuri felt giddy, he couldn't stop smiling as he brushed his teeth. _If this is what it means to be with Victor, then I never want it to stop._

Once he was done brushing his teeth, he undressed and got into the shower. He heard Victor come through the door, and Makkachin was quick to dart to the bedroom on his mission to get as much space as he possibly could of the bed.

Yuuri heard Victor's footsteps as he walked past the kitchen, and into the bathroom.

"I had a great time today." Victor's voice sounded slightly distorted once he started to brush his teeth, standing just outside the shower.

Yuuri turned off the water and gave Victor a small kiss on the side of the mouth, trying to avoid the toothpaste. "Me too. Hand me the towel, please?"

Yuuri stood silently and watched as Victor went to the basin and spat out the toothpaste before reaching for the towel.

"Pay the toll, first," Victor said playfully, not giving the towel to Yuuri before he got a deeper kiss. Yuuri was happy to oblige.

"You're showering too?"

Victor nodded. "Go ahead, I'll be with you soon. Hope you guys save me some room."

* * *

The alarm went off way too early, as far as Victor was concerned. He felt in his entire body that practice today would be a struggle. _First time for everything._

He got out of bed and prepared his spihon brewer before taking Makkachin out for a walk, dressed in a simple track suit underneath his coat. He had a feeling that Yuuri would sleep for quite some time.

The morning air was cool and crisp. As Victor and Makkachin took the ordinary route they always did in the morning, Victor decided that today would be the day. He was going to tell Yuuri about what he'd decided for himself and his career. Considering Yuuri's heated reaction before, he realised that no matter how prepared he thought they were, there would never be a good time to bring it up. Victor knew that he was ready to try, and that he would do everything he possibly could to help Yuuri accept it.

He felt nervous, though. He remembered how upset Yuuri had become when he pressed him a little. He wanted to spare them both the agony of another emotional meltdown, but he really didn't know how he could possibly pull it off.

 _I'll have to think of something. I owe it to him, and he needs to hear it before he starts his training again._

"Makka, come! Let's go back!" The poodle trotted up to Victor, wagging its tail and looking at him in a begging way. Victor felt around in his coat pocket, and found a small treat that he offered to the dog. He patted Makkachin on the head as they entered the building, ready to go back up.

The lift dinged right away. Victor was quick to get out once the lift reached his floor, and opened the front door as silently as he possibly could. Makkachin headed for the bedroom right away to sleep some more.

He poured himself a cup of coffee, and drank it solemnly whilst making some kasha. He ate the porridge standing.

The warmth of Yuuri's hands underneath his t-shirt startled him. He'd been too occupied trying to find a way to approach Yuuri with his decision, that he never heard him coming. He felt Yuuri resting his head on his back, without saying anything.

 _Don't pull him down now. You don't have the time to start anything._

"Morning, Yuuri. Feeling okay?" Victor turned around so Yuuri ended up in his arms instead.

"Mhm..."

"Why are you up? I've already walked Makkachin so you can sleep a while longer." He kissed him on his forehead and pulled him a bit closer.

"I don't know. I heard you so I just... got up, I guess." Yuuri shuddered a bit.

Victor decided to tread very lightly. "I'm off soon, last practice with Yakov for the week. I'll probably be home around noon. You seem cold, can I tuck you in?"

Yuuri nodded.

The pair of them walked back to the bedroom, Victor couldn't keep himself from touching Yuuri's naked back. As Yuuri got into bed, Victor sat down next to him, trailing kisses on his chest when he finally settled.

"Thank you for yesterday, Yuuri," he said between the kisses. "I hope you had a good time too."

Yuuri responded by touching his face, keeping his hand against Victor's cheek. Victor kissed his fingers and then leaned in to kiss his lips. They tasted sweet.

"I'll be home before you know it. Text me if you want to, okay?"

"I will," Yuuri responded sleepily.

"I love you, Yuuri," Victor said as he was standing up. "See you later."

Yuuri made a barely audible noise in response, already half asleep.

* * *

 _To: Viktor_

 _Call me when you're done at the rink! I'm making lunch! /Y_

Yuuri put his phone away. He'd been out for a couple of hours, trying to find everything he needed had proved to be slightly more difficult than he had expected.

"I wish you could come and translate for me when I'm going somewhere, Makkachin." The poodle raised a tired eyebrow from his spot on the sofa. "Your Russian is probably better than mine."

Yuuri sat down next to the dog and hugged him. Memories of Vicchan made themselves known, making Yuuri tear up a little. He sighed. "Thanks for the talk, Makkachin."

Yuuri returned to the kitchen and started preparing the ingredients. He was set on making some kind of bento, with the hopes of mixing Japanese and Russian cuisine into something that was actually edible. Yuuri had found the Russian kitchen to be filled with grain-based foods and root vegetables, very different from what he was used to eat when living in Japan.

After cooking for an hour or so, his phone started to ring.

"Victor? Hi! Yes, everything's okay. Uh-huh. Half an hour? Good, perfect timing. Me? No, I don't think so. Okay, see you soon! Bye!"

He smiled as he put his phone away. He'd been longing for Victor to come home.

* * *

Victor put his hands in his pockets, together with his phone.

Practice had been okay, despite a late night and some drinking. Yakov had been a bit more demanding than usual. Victor figured that it had to do with him letting Yakov in on the news of his approaching retirement. The short program felt solid, and he'd spent some time on the free as well. Trying to stitch together the things that Yuuri saw. _Three more weeks to Nationals. The beginning of the... no, not the end. The beginning of something new._

Victor shuddered slightly. He couldn't wait to get home but at the same time, knowing what he had to do once he got there made him... yes, he felt anxious. He didn't want to upset Yuuri, but maybe it was inevitable? _What do I do if Yuuri can't cope with this? Can I cope with it?_

As Victor walked across the bridge, it came to him. He knew how he would break it to Yuuri.

* * *

"Yuuri! I'm home!"

The sound of his bare feet against the floor, running. The impact of him throwing himself around his neck. The laughs. The kiss. Victor faltered in his resolve, if only for a second.

"If this is what it means to live with you, then I want to be greeted like this every day." He put his arms around Yuuri. _Please, let this go well._

"So," Victor continued as Yuuri let him go, "you've been busy?"

"Well, after yesterday, I wanted to do something for you. Here, let me help." Yuuri took Victor's coat and hung it next to his. "I think it'll be good. I hope so, at least."

Victor was taken by the hand and led to the kitchen.

"Wow, amazing! Yuuri, really now... When you said lunch I had something simpler in mind. This..."

"You haven't tasted it yet. It might be horrible."

Victor pulled Yuuri close, and gave him a deep kiss. The kind that made them both gasp for air. He rested his forehead against Yuuri's.

"Nothing you do can ever be horrible, Yuuri."

Yuuri laughed and pulled away. "You flatterer. Please, sit."

* * *

Victor had his head on Yuuri's chest. Yuuri played with his hair. They were bundled up on the sofa, enjoying each other's company.

"I can hear your heart beat," Victor whispered. "It's calming."

Yuuri said nothing, sifting his fingers through Victor's hair again and again.

"Yuuri? Can I talk to you about something?" _I'm going to do it now._

"Sure." Yuuri sounded relaxed. Sleepy.

"I... uh, you know, Makkachin's an old dog, right?"

"Mhm?"

"I... I got him when I was sixteen. The same year I won my first JWC."

"I know, Victor."

"But... I... This is hard, Yuuri. I'm letting you know things about me that no one knows, so listen carefully, okay?"

He felt Yuuri tense up for a second. He stopped playing with his hair.

Victor resumed. "When I turned sixteen, a lot of things happened in my life. Winning the JWC was one of those things, but one can say that it paved the road for the life that followed. I... got Makka after the JWC and... Well, I was lonely." _This hurts!_

Yuuri shifted below him, trying to sit up. Victor put some weight on his elbows to let Yuuri do so. Escape from underneath him.

"That loneliness was building up. It started way before, but when I was sixteen it became obvious. When I won the JWC, I had hoped that it would fix things. But it didn't. So I gave up. Devoted myself to skating even more."

"You gave up?"

"Yeah... my parents and I, we..." He looked up at Yuuri. He couldn't make out his expression. "We haven't seen eye to eye for some time. Back then, they were wrapped up in their work. Maybe they still are. They are academics, you see. Career driven."

Yuuri's hand in his hair again. It gave him the strength to continue. He looked away.

"I had hoped that they would see me, once I won the JWC. I did it all for them, in the beginning, but... I was lonely. I lived by my own at fifteen, my life consisted of going to school and going to the rink. Trying to prove myself. Pleasing them." Victor sighed.

"Then, I became a senior. I wanted to show them what I was made of. I wanted them to see me. Not so much my parents anymore, but everyone else. My competitors. The audience. Yakov. The world. It became my fuel. It became my everything. I wanted to give them everything I didn't have. I wanted them to feel good. Be enchanted. Appreciated. All of this, I did through my skating. And then, I started winning. I became intoxicated at first. The cheers, the attention... I became desperate to keep that momentum. Always surprising them, leaving them asking for more. Even though I struggled, felt sick, got hurt... I still got to the rink. Pushed myself. Harder and harder. More and more. Constantly trying to up anything I did before. But in the end, when I got home..."

"You... were lonely."

Victor knew without looking at Yuuri that he cried. He put his hand on Yuuri's knee. He wasn't sure if it was to comfort Yuuri or himself.

"Right. Lonely. And... empty. It's been like this for twenty years, Yuuri. But, you know what? It changed. It really did." Victor sat up, trying hard to brace himself before looking at Yuuri. "And do you know why?" He found Yuuri's eyes, making sure that they would look each other when he finally got to the point of the nonsensical speech he'd been trying to prepare on his way home from the rink. The speech that would make him understand.

Yuuri shook his head, teary eyed. Being absolutely wonderful. His beloved Yuuri.

"I found you".


	8. Chapter 8

Yuuri blinked. Trying to get rid of the tears. _What is he telling me? He's been suffering all this time? Until he... met me?_

His voice, thick with emotion, didn't sound anything like him when he spoke. "Victor...? All the photos, all the medals... You weren't happy?"

"No, Yuuri. I haven't been. Not for a long time."

"But..." Yuuri could barely make a sound, his voice trembling so much. "Oh... so that's... When I came here, when you went outside?" He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, remembering when he first came to St Petersburg. Seeing the medals on the wall of Victor's bedroom. The photos. The smile that wasn't him. The confrontation and Victor's strange remark. It all came together.

"Mhm." Victor nodded slightly. "You saw... you saw _me_. And that made me... Yes, it made me angry, okay? Not with you, never with you, Yuuri. But I'm mad at myself. For letting it deprive me! I have... a monster on my back, it controls me and I can't take it anymore. It has told me to forsake everything, making me more and more empty. More lonely. Because there wasn't any room left for anything else."

"So," Yuuri said whilst fighting to take control over his voice, "you've only skated for others? All this time? Not enjoying anything?"

Yuuri was happy to feel Victor holding his hands. He wanted to be grounded. It felt like everything he thought of Victor as a skater had been a lifelong charade. The successes meant nothing and the smiles was just for show. The interviews in magazines never portrayed the real Victor. The Victor he had gotten close to. The Victor he wanted to share everything with.

"I haven't been important in my own life for a long time, Yuuri. Not until I met you. You don't remember the banquet, you know the one we talked about in Barcelona, but... I had such a good time with you. You were so drunk, barely dressed and asked me to be your coach. I felt... reborn! My void was filled, if only for that night."

Victor's eyes were tearing up. But he smiled. That super nova smile that Yuuri knew was one hundred percent him. The real Victor.

Without thinking, just acting purely on instinct, they fell into each other's arms. Filled with emotion, making each other's shoulders wet from tears.

"That's when I knew," Victor continued, sobbing between the words he spoke into Yuuri's ear, "when I saw you do my routine, that you were my anchor. You were supposed to save me. And you did! You did, Yuuri! I wasn't sure at first what would happen when I came to Japan, but... You gave me back my Life and my Love and I know now that I can never be without you. I'll be lost without you!"

Victor's shoulders shook as he tried to regain control, his face buried in Yuuri's shoulder.

"I've found someone who wants me to stay true to myself, and I'm sorry if I've fooled you! I've fooled everyone. Being true to oneself isn't that easy. Especially when you're lost. Especially when others think you're someone else. Especially when you're constantly feeding them. Appeasing them. Cementing their view on who you are."

Yuuri felt Victor's grip around him tighten. _What is he saying?_

"Therefore, Yuuri... I want you to accept my decision. I don't want to compete anymore, not after this season. But believe me when I say this, I will stand by you. Not on the ice as a competitor, but as your coach. As your lover. As your husband! As myself! I'll give you everything, anything! But please... accept my decision and let me go when this season is over."

* * *

Yuuri swallowed. Steadied himself. Desperately trying to understand what Victor had said, what it meant. _But he wants to quit? But he wants to stay? With me?_ Yuuri took a deep breath. Prepared himself for making a revelation of his own.

"Thank you, Victor. For telling me this. For letting me in. I... I can't even begin to understand... I mean, I don't understand. No, I don't understand, Victor!"

Victor's warm and wet exhales against his cheek became calmer. His question was barely audible.

"What, Yuuri? What is it you don't understand?"

"I... have always chased you! Ever since I was... I remember being twelve, seeing you on TV, you won the JWC. I've been fuelled too! By you! I wanted to be just as good as you, stand on the same ice as you!" Yuuri's voice became a whisper. "I even named my dog after you. Vicchan. 'Victor'. When you came to Hasetsu my... my room was filled with posters of you. I had to rip them down, with you standing outside my door!"

Yuuri felt Victor flinch as he tried to find a stronger voice. He found it hard.

"I've always seen you as something unattainable. You... you've been like a god to me, Victor. You still are. And I..." Yuuri sighed. "...and I'm afraid what happens to me if I can't chase you. I want to chase you! I need to chase you! I want you to want me to chase you!"

He felt Victor's hand on the back of his head. Pushing him closer, tangling his fingers into his hair. A silent affirmation that his feelings were indeed valid. Important.

"I was prepared to let you go, Victor. In Barcelona. I know you don't understand it yourself, but I'm killing you! Every moment you're off the ice, coaching me, I'm killing you! And now," Yuuri sobbed, "you're telling me that you... you don't want it anymore. To compete? After everything I went through with trying to decide that letting you go was the best for you?"

"Can't you be happy to keep me to yourself? You're worth it! Yes, you're worth having me to yourself! I want you to want me in any way you can, Yuuri!"

Victor broke free from their embrace, but still holding on to Yuuri's shoulders. "Even if my competitive side is gone, I'll motivate you! I'll make you... No, I want you... to be you! You don't have to impress me or chase me, you've already done that and so much more. So much more. You made me feel alive again."

Victor paused briefly. When he resumed, his tone was more levelled. "You broke my world record, dammit. People are going to chase you, Yuuri! Not me! Why can't you see that?"

Victor's lips felt warm and wet against his. His kiss tasted salty from their tears.

"But... how will it even work, Victor? How can you motivate me if..."

"...if I can't motivate myself? Good question. For starters," Victor pulled his fingers through his hair, "I want you to know that the decision of returning is... for you, Yuuri. I'm doing this for you and your motivation. I can handle one more season. At first, I got scared, I admit that. That's why I returned to Yakov with my tail between my legs. If I was going to lose you, then..." Victor shook his head. "Never mind. Also, I'll make you hate me for returning this season. You'll be in my shadow, I'm taking back what you stole from me last season. I won't go easy on you."

The sound of Victor's voice was... cheeky. It came as an absolute surprise to Yuuri, and by the look on Victor's face, he felt surprised too.

"Secondly," Victor said, leaning in until he was but an eyelash away from Yuuri's face, "we have a promise to keep to each other." Victor straightened himself and pointed to his right hand, his ring catching the light. "This is _my_ motivation, Yuuri. I'll make you keep that promise."

* * *

The both of them smiled. Dried each other's tears. Embraced without having a thought of ever letting go. Sustained by a new understanding for each other. And it felt good. It felt safe. It felt possible.

"I promise you, everything will be okay."

"Yes. Now, I know it will. I... I love you, Victor."

 **~the end~**


	9. Bonus: The big 3 - 0

**Wow, the story 'In Regards to Trust: Valediction' dinged 2000 views! As always, I'm so grateful and happy for all your views and comments. Here's a little bonus chapter for you as thanks. From my heart, thank you so much!**

 **Song 'Everything' © Jason Wade, 2009 SKG Music L.L.C.**

* * *

It was early. Too early.

Yuuri had been on edge all night, afraid that he wouldn't hear the alarm in the morning. As a result, he had barely slept. Being sleep-deprived was a small price to pay, he reasoned, since the consequences for sleeping in would have been disastrous. Today, at least.

He slithered out of bed, thankful that they hadn't been all tangled up. He looked at Victor as he quietly dressed. He was sound asleep, barely being covered by the duvet. Yuuri's eyes lingered on his semi-exposed ass. Today is going to be awesome. I can't wait! He smiled, and felt his cheeks flush a little.

Before leaving, he went through his mental check list. Everything was fixed, in order and in place. He was prepared. He could only hope that Victor was too, once he woke up.

After putting on his shoes and coat, he sent a text message.

 _To: Victor_

 _Happy birthday! First, I want you to know that I love you so much. Second, take a look in the bathroom. Where? I think you know. If you don't, think of last night. Happy hunting! /Y_

He closed the front door, feeling giddy inside.

* * *

Victor felt Makkachin dig on Yuuri's side of the bed. He had always wondered why dogs did that. Everything's already soft and fluffy in a human bed, digging around won't change that.

"Yuuri, tell him to stop." No response. "Yuuri?"

He opened his eyes. Sat up. Stretched out his arms.

"Yuuri?" _He's up already? Wow._

Victor got out of bed, and peered out from the bedroom. "Yuu~ri? Is he out, Makka?"

The poodle wagged his tail when he heard his name being called. He made no effort to answer the question.

Victor went back to the bed and checked his phone. A lot of mentions on Twitter and Instagram. And a text message.

After reading it, he lost control over his face as it was taken over by a beaming super nova smile.

* * *

"Bathroom, huh? Let's see what you've hidden in here." This was easy, he knew exactly where to look. The bathroom cabinet had showed itself to be extremely useful the previous evening. _So, nothing on it. In it, maybe?_

He opened the doors and noticed a gift box. Victor made an appreciative squeal. "That's just so cute!"

He opened it. A pair of of underwear, Dolce & Gabbana. _With instruments on? Okay...?_ He found a small note in the box, with Yuuri's tidy handwriting on it.

 _Great job, you found it! I hope you wear them today, you're probably naked right now. Next, look in the closet! Your side! /Yuuri_

 _ps. Maybe I'll blow your horn later... ;)_

Victor laughed. "Oh, you're killing me! God, I love you."

* * *

Of course, he had to put them on. In all honesty, he would probably have chosen something more low-key and classic if it was up to him, but that print on the underwear combined with that message... How could he not wear them?

He was really entertained by this little scavenger hunt. Victor walked over to the closet and opened his side. Nothing really stood out. Everything was neatly folded and organised, as always. _What have you hid in here?_

It took a while for Victor to notice the envelope taped to the inside of the door. "That's sneaky. You knew that I would start with the clothes."

He took it down and opened it. Inside was another note as well as a chocolate heart, wrapped in red metallic foil.

 _You are my heart._

 _Next, I want you to see if there's something hidden in the kitchen. Think doggie style. /Yuuri_

Victor's heart skipped a beat.

* * *

Victor was clearly missing something. He'd looked everywhere. On every cupboard, in every cupboard, on the stove, in the oven, in the fridge... He was losing his patience. _You're not going to outsmart me, rest assured._

He made a cup of coffee, his eyes scanning every nook and cranny of the kitchen as he waited for the brewer to finish its job. "Where have you put it, Yuuri?" The siphon brewer sputtered as it finished brewing the coffee.

Victor sat quietly, occationally taking a sip. Thinking. _Honestly, what happens if I can't find it?_ He got distracted as Makkachin walked over to him, begging for attention. Victor absentmindedly scratched the dog behind the ear.

As Makkachin went over to his water bowl for a drink, Victor saw that both the food and water bowl were slightly elevated. The plastic mat underneath the bowls was clearly hiding something.

"Okay, that was actually clever. Not as fun, but clever."

Victor waited until Makkachin was done, and went over to retrieve the hidden gift. It was flat and heavier than it looked. As he opened the box, he felt his heart clench a little. A framed photo from when they exchanged vows during the summer.

He almost wanted to cry when he remembered how Yuuri had claimed that the photographer's camera got stolen, and that there would be no memories from that day. Ever. All due to the fact that they had been alone with the marriage officiant and the photographer, with no other cameras or smartphones readily available.

Victor got caught in the memories of that day. Yuuri had looked so distraught that time when he got the call, too. It was all very believable. _I absolutely love you. You planned it all along, didn't you?_

He turned the frame over and saw a small card being stuck to the back. He opened the card, and had to collect himself a little after reading it.

 _My dear Husband._

 _I hope you can forgive me, but I know you actually like surprises and the unexpected. Text me when you're ready to go out. I'll be waiting for you._

* * *

The text told him to go to the rink. Victor took Makkachin along for the walk.

St Petersburg was amazing this time of the year. The city was covered in a soft blanket of snow, and felt serene. Snow had that effect, Victor thought. Silencing everything, making everything more innocent and pure.

He got caught up thinking about his day so far. He felt extremely thankful. For his Life. His Love. His husband. Imagine that turning thirty could be so pleasant?

He entered the building and told Makkachin to stay in the dressing room, before going out to the rink. As he was about to open the door out to the rink, he saw a note stuck to the handle.

 _Welcome! Come and take a seat._

As he opened the door, he heard music. He didn't recognise it. He walked alongside the stand and saw him. There on the ice. He sat down, understanding what was about to happen.

As soon as they saw each other, Yuuri started to skate towards him with the most wonderful smile on his lips.

"You're just in time. Watch. And listen."

And with those words, he took off. Confessing his love in the way he knew best. The way he was most comfortable with. And it was magical.

* * *

 _Find me here, and speak to me_

 _I want to feel you, I need to hear you_

 _You are the light that's leading me to the place_

 _Where I find peace again_

 _You are the strength that keeps me walking_

 _You are the hope that keeps me trusting_

 _You are the life to my soul_

 _You are my purpose_

 _You're everything_

 _And how can I stand here with you_

 _And not be moved by you_

 _Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

* * *

"Yuuri!" Victor tried to overpower the music, but to no avail. He felt moved, he desperately needed to touch him. Yuuri only smiled in return.

* * *

 _You calm the storms and you give me rest_

 _You hold me in your hands_

 _You won't let me fall_

 _You steal my heart and you take my breath away_

 _Would you take me in, take me deeper now_

 _And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you_

 _Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

 _And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you_

 _Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

 _Cause you're all I want, you're all I need_

 _You're everything, everything_

 _You're all I want_

 _You're all I need_

 _You're everything, everything_

* * *

As the music ebbed out, Yuuri came over. He leaned over the boards of the rink, being all smiles and glistening skin. Victor took him in his arms, silently shaking as he couldn't hold his feelings in anymore.

Yuuri gave him a kiss, one that assured him that the day had just begun.

"Happy birthday, Victor."


	10. Bonus: The big 3 - 0, part 2

**Love you guys! Over 3000 views and counting on '** **In Regards to Trust: Valediction** **'! I can't let your diligence go to waste now, can I? Enjoy this little bonus chapter, and thanks again!**

* * *

"Victor, hey... You okay?"

"I am fiiiine, Yuuri! Sooo happy. I had the greatest time, I swear!"

Yuuri smiled. Victor's thirtieth birthday had turned out to be exactly what he had wanted for him. The morning's scavenger hunt, the day's many hours roaming the streets together, and the night's crazy fun. And now, the aftermath. A very drunk and clingy Victor. It had been quite the challenge getting him home, but Yuuri was sure that he would treasure this day and its memories for years to come. He hoped that Victor would too. In hindsight, it was quite amusing.

"Victor, you can't hold on to me like that. I can't reach the keys." Yuuri had concentrate, he was seconds away from laughing. The situation was really awkward in a humorous way.

"But I neeeed tooo, Yuuuri! I will never let goo!"

Yuuri miraculously managed to fish out his keys while having Victor around his neck.

"I'm opening the door now so don't lean back like that." _He's so drunk!_

Yuuri opened the door slowly, making sure that Victor wouldn't fall headfirst into the hallway.

"Hey, we're home already! Maaakkachiiin's...! Yuuri, Makkachin's hungry."

"I'm sure he is. Don't worry. Victor, hold on to me like, no, not like that. Here," Yuuri placed Victor's hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to take off your shoes, just try to stand still for me."

"For you, I can do any-thiiing! Yuuri, know wut?"

"No, love. What?" Yuuri pried off Victor's shoes as fast as he possibly could.

"I think I'm sooo drunk right nao!"

"Really? You don't say."

Yuuri found everything about Victor so endearing at that particular moment. Although he barely had something resembling self control going for him, his whole being radiated happiness and contentment. It rubbed off on Yuuri too. It made him feel warm inside seeing Victor like that, it was something he wanted to sustain until... well, forever.

"Let me take your coat. Then, go to the sofa for me, okay?"

As Yuuri removed his own shoes and coat, he heard Victor plop down in the sofa with a happy noise.

* * *

Victor declared that he was thirsty, somewhere underneath the thick and wooly blanket he'd wrapped around himself. He demanded coffee, but Yuuri declared that he was getting water. After filling up Makkachin's waterbowl, he returned to see to his very drunk husband.

After helping Victor down a couple of mouthfuls, Yuuri made himself comfortable next to him. His eyes scanned the room. Victor's clothes were strewn all across the floor. _He's really quick to undress._

Victor put his head on his lap with a deep sigh, making Yuuri turn his attention to him instead.

"I luv you, Yuuri Kassuki."

"I love you too, Victor. I think you should go to sleep. Want me to help you get into bed?"

"Nuh. I wanna be with you."

"I'm going to go to bed too, you know."

Victor snuggled against his stomach, letting small blissful noises escape him.

"Yuuri? Play with me!"

Now, Yuuri couldn't help himself. He had to laugh. "What? Play with you?"

"Uh-huh. A small game. A drinking game!"

"You've had enough, Victor. Sorry."

"Nonono, not more drinks. Just the game. See, we don't have to drink because I'm drunk already!"

"Yes. Yes, you are. I do think that you should sleep instead of playing games. Don't you?"

"Yuuri, it's muh birthday! Don' dissapoint me on muh birthday!"

"Sure, I'll play with you." _Even when he's absolutely wrecked, he's wonderful. How I love him._

* * *

After listening to Victor explain, at least five times, how the game worked, Yuuri realised he was trying to explain the 'Never have I ever'-game. _I'm so lucky we've never played it with him being somewhat sober, he would trash me._

"So, dass how you play," Victor concluded, happy with his thorough explanation of the rules.

"What do you suggest we do instead of drink then, Victor?"

"Kiss! I wan' to kiss you, Yuuri!"

"Silly," he bent down and kissed his forehead, "we can do that anyway."

"Aww... You're so kewt, you know? But pleeease?"

"What kind of husband would I be to deny my birthday boy his final birthday wish? Okay, go ahead. You start."

Victor frowned. Apparently thinking hard about what he was going to say. His face lit up suddenly, and his eyes grew big with revelation.

Seeing his smile, so genuine and derived from nothing but love and happiness, made Yuuri's heart flutter. "You've decided," he asked.

"Yup. So, lessee... Never have I evar been as surprised as to-day!" Victor closed his eyes and tilted his chin upward. Waiting for a kiss that never came.

Yuuri laughed. "You know, you can't..." He had to catch his breath, it was as if the convulsions of joy wasn't going to ebb out anytime soon. "Hoo boy," he dried a tear from his eye, looking down at Victor who had a very puzzled expression on his face.

"No kiss? Whyyy?"

Yuuri took a deep breath. "Victor, that's not how the game works!" He felt the bubbles of laughter again, but did his best to stifle them. "You need to, I can't believe this, say something that you think **I've** done. Oh, never mind." Yuuri found his mouth and gave Victor a deep kiss. _Gah, he tastes of vodka. I think I'm going to get drunk._

"Upsidedown kisses are THE BEST! Moar!"

"Do you want to play or not? I told you before, we don't have to play in order to kiss."

"You play! You play and I'll be riiite here, ready for moar!"

* * *

Yuuri stood up, followed by a disgruntled noise from Victor. _No need to frown, birthday boy._ He removed his sweater and tried to find a way to get under the blanket Victor was all wrapped into. No easy feat, since Victor was mesmerised by what he was seeing and hence, made no effort to move.

Luckily, he found a corner not stuck underneath his drunken playmate. He enjoyed his warmth as he slid on top of him. He could feel Victor's heart beating harder and faster against his own chest. It did wonders for his self-esteem.

"We can play by your rules if you want to." He nibbled on his lower lip. "Never have I ever... been in love as much as I am right now." A deep kiss followed. One that made them both mewl.

"Never have I ever," Yuuri continued with bated breath, "felt so at ease with anyone else than with you." He trailed soft kisses along Victor's jawline.

"Yuuri..." Victor's voice was mellow. Dripping with something else than his intoxication.

"Never have I ever wanted to spend my life with anyone else than you." He kissed his chest, letting every kiss linger. "Thank you for making me yours."

Yuuri glanced at Victor. His face was flushed, his lips somewhat apart. Breathing a bit heavier than before.

"Relax. It's your birthday," Yuuri said when Victor tried to prop himself up on his elbows. "Just lie back down. Yuuri paused for a second before continuing. "Never have I ever tought of doing this to you. On your birthday, no less."

* * *

As Yuuri disappeared from view, Victor's breathing abruptly stopped. Only to resume with a drawn out cry. Then, everything became silent. Still. Much like St Petersburg, covered in snow.


	11. Bonus: Two weeks

**Hi guys!**

 **In Regards to Trust dinged something nice quite some time ago, but I had such a hard time finding the inspiration to write something that could be matched with it. This little story could be the thing I'm looking for, though. Slightly racy, but really cute.**

 **Enjoy! And as always, thank you so much for reading and commenting xoxo**

* * *

Two weeks. Two weeks without him. It was probably the longest time they'd been without each other since he moved to Russia. It felt strange. Even though they weren't joined at the hip when they were home together, just knowing that the other was there, was around… it made all the difference.

He missed him. Terribly. He missed all the little things. Sleeping on his arm, feeling his breath on his face. Those little touches that were more encouraging than nothing else. The small talk. His silly humor. The walks outside with the dog.

Of course, he missed the… other things too. How he made him feel appreciated. How he, time and time again, made something stir within him as soon as he got close. How the breaths on his face suddenly could mean something else entirely. How they always ended up together. In synch, somehow.

Tomorrow evening, it would all change. He had pictured their reunion in his mind for days now. How his voice would call for him as soon as he stepped through the door. How his arms would be open and welcoming for him to dive into. How the embrace would feel, how the kiss would feel. How he would taste. How he would smell.

His cheeks heated up slightly. Maybe, just maybe, they would reacquaint with each other in some other way too. He hadn't pictured that reunion at all but he suddenly felt compelled to. His mind started to wander. Started to feed him with images of his hungry eyes. His bare skin. His back, they way the muscles played when he looked down at him from his vantage point when they…

"Oh…" He exhaled, slowly. His cheeks were burning now. He really wished for him to come home.

* * *

To get his mind off things, off him for at least a minute, he decided to make himself useful. He started with his cleaning routine. Starting in the kitchen, he washed the dishes and wiped off all the countertops. He hadn't really been doing much cooking during the last fortnight, so the task wasn't as time consuming as he'd expected it to be.

He had hoovered some days before, and although it was a little messy due to the fact that they had a dog in the household, he decided that it would have to do. He decided to change the sheets, remembering that Victor once said that clean sheets were one of life's simplest luxuries. He really wanted to make him feel that coming home was a luxury and that he had something to do with it.

As he carried the sheets, pillowcases and duvet covers to the bathroom, he figured that he might as well start the washing machine. He looked in the hamper. It wasn't too full, maybe he could wash the bed linens and some clothes and make it slightly more manageable? He emptied the hamper on the floor, trying to find colours that would go with the linens.

As he sorted out some lightly coloured clothes, he suddenly noticed one of Victor's shirts. He picked it up and was about to toss it into the washing machine when he got a swiff. A swiff of him. He stopped, mid-motion, and brought the shirt back. To his nose. He inhaled. Yes, it smelled like him. That wonderful smell of expensive deodorant and a well matched perfume. It made him miss him even more, he realised. Also… he felt heady. His smell had the same impact on him as his presence.

He decided to wash everything he'd sorted out, except the shirt. He felt a little silly, holding on to the garment like it was a child's coveted blankie. But he couldn't help it. That smell awoke something within him. A need that his mind and body desperately wanted to be sated. As he walked to the bedroom, he felt his pulse quicken. His mind was filled with nothing but him and that was something he wanted to sustain. For a little bit longer.

* * *

He put his earbuds in and started to flip through his playlist. Nothing felt… right. He decided to put on something classical, trying to remember what he'd danced ballet to back in the day. No, that would give him the wrong associations. He decided on Chopin, The Nocturnes.

As the piano's soothing and slightly longing sound started, he retreated. Found that place in his mind where there was nothing but memories of him. His favorite place. He rolled over to his side, exhaled and asked his mind to open up. The smell of his shirt made it easy for him to reach the right mindset, instantly.

The first image that came to him was… their first kiss. How they had surprised each other in totally different ways. How that kiss was the birth of what they now had. He felt warm inside, remembering that scene. How their lips had met and how that sensation erased the hurt he would have felt otherwise, being knocked over and falling back first down on the ice.

The second image was their reunion. When he came back to Japan from Russia. How their eyes, hearts and minds had met, only to be separated by something as trivial as glass. How he couldn't stay in place, waiting for the sliding doors to open. How they had fallen into each other and… how he knew, right then and there, that he was everything he ever wanted.

As the third image started to materialise before him, he slid down his sweatpants slightly, just below his hips. He felt slightly self conscious, but as the memory became stronger, more vivid, he continued with his briefs. Sliding them down just enough for him to reach. As he took hold of himself, he saw those blue eyes before his inner eye. How they had been so full of everything he wanted to be his and only his, until the end of time.

He felt his breathing grow more shallow as he continued to stroke himself. Tried to remember what it felt like when he was passive and taken care of, when he was in his hands. Those hands that never disappointed. Those hands that guided him so well through the highs and lows of desire.

He got startled as he heard his ringtone in his ears, almost letting a yelp pass through his lips. Someone was calling him! It was so inconvenient, so embarrassing, so mortifying. He pressed the button on his headset and tried to get his breathing in control.

"Hi, this is Yuuri." He heard how strained his voice was. He wanted to sink through the bed and end up somewhere else.

"Love? It's me."

"Victor?!" Now, he felt even more embarrassed, strangely enough.

"I just wanted to call you, say goodnight. I can't wait to see you."

"I… I can't wait to see you too. I… I've missed you terribly."

"Oh… I love you. Hey, you sound... Are you doing something… physical right now?" His voice sounded mirthful. Like… he knew?

"Uh… No, no, you… um, called me when I was… I'm doing the laundry." That lie wouldn't even make a child believe he was telling the truth. Especially not in combination with the sound of his voice.

"Really?" He sounded extremely amused. He knew, alright.

"Yes."

"Well… I shouldn't keep you from doing the… laundry. Thank you for changing the sheets."

"Oh, don't mention it. I know what you like, so…"

"You do. You really do. So… I'll see you tomorrow evening, then. Sleep tight, Yuuri. Hope you'll have pleasant dreams."

"I love you. I can't wait for you to come home."

"I've figured as much. I love you too. See you."

"Bye, Victor."

"Bye, Yuuri."

* * *

He hung up. Feeling extremely embarrassed. It seemed like he'd been read like an open book. They had never talked about that kind of relationship before. The kind you had with yourself.

He put his hands to his cheeks. If they had been burning before, they were raging like hellfire. He felt really unsettled. What if he was to bring that up when he came home tomorrow? That would end him instantly, make him feel so stupid and adolescent. He really hoped that he was wrong, that he had read Victor's voice based on how he was feeling at that moment and not how he actually had sounded.

As the music came back into his ears, trying to coax him back into some kind of relaxation, he tried to connect with himself a little. Yes, there was still a small ember there. Maybe, it could be fanned a little. Maybe, it could be convinced to flare up again?

He felt torn. He could probably wait until tomorrow, but… what if he was tired when he got home? Not feeling it? He decided to resume. Blow into that fire a little. He closed his eyes and tried to find his way again.

It was slightly harder to focus now. He had to leave the memory of them in Barcelona, it felt too associated with him being embarrassed for the time being. He tried to remember something else, like… yes, when they first had each other. The fire flared up instantly.

He remembered how it had started with kisses, soft at first. How he had been helped out of his t-shirt and how Victor had been quick to take off his shirt. How close they had been, how hard his heart had been beating, close against his naked chest. How he had been tipped over, gently and how their mouths had gotten hungrier, more gluttonous. How his lips had felt on him, on his chest, his neck, his shoulders. How his tongue had felt soft and teasing at the same time.

Yes, it was easier now, finding that place in his mind.

He remembered how he had been undressed, by hands that felt warm and eager. How his voice sounded when he asked him if he could show him how he wanted it. How close he had been reaching an immediate release by hearing him ask that very question. How he had taken hold of him, putting his shivering hand on top of his and…

An earbud escaped, fell out of his ear. He opened his eyes.

"Surprise."

Warm lips against his. A soft, long kiss that indeed conveyed the longing they felt and shared.

"You… you're-"

"Shh. Continue. Or you do want me to take over?"

He felt perplexed. He was home. He really was home. Here. With him.

"You-"

"I couldn't wait to see you." He smiled that supernova smile that was meant for him and him alone.

They embraced. Yuuri felt needy. He dug his fingers hard into the back he'd been missing for two weeks.

"You still want to listen to what you're listening to, or…" Victor's voice purred in his ear.

"I… no, I want to hear you."

He let him go, slowly. He enjoyed seeing him get out of bed, undressing with him watching reverently. That body, he still couldn't believe that he had access to it. The epitome of everything he had yearned for ever since he was a boy.

"Do you have something particular in mind," Victor asked as he slid on top of him, kissing his neck slowly and passionately.

"N… no, I…"

"Then I can do with you as I see fit?"

He could only nod as he was scooped up and carried to the kitchen.

The marble countertop of the kitchen island was cold against his back, but only for a moment. The traction the stone created against his skin created a sensation he would never forget, as he got rocked, pulled and clawed closer to the drop.

"Tell me how much you've missed me. Show me!" His words brought forth his release. He let go with a voice that said it all.

He had indeed missed him. Terribly.

* * *

They ended up in the sofa. It was hard to tell where one ended and the other started.

"I… I can't believe…" Yuuri was spent. Exhausted.

"That I'm home?" Victor chuckled, as he trailed his fingers along Yuuri's spine.

"Yes! Um… Yes, but no, that… that we actually did that." He got silenced with a kiss. After a while, a question popped into his mind. "Victor, did you know that I… um… you know, before?"

"Of course. I watched you for quite some time before I called you. I really love that you had my shirt with you in bed."

Yuuri blinked. He instantly felt that scorching heat again. His cheeks would be the end of him, eventually. "Where… were you when you called," he asked with a low voice. Feeling mortified that he'd been watched when he was… pleasuring himself. With the help of his shirt.

"In the bathroom, of course. Why do you think I knew that you'd changed the sheets?"

That smile, combined with that reassuring touch against his cheek, made his insecurities melt away. Somehow, they didn't seem to matter. Not anymore.

Not when he was home. Together with him.


	12. Bonus: Read my lips, part one

**Thank you for continuing to read _In Regards to Trust: Valediction_. Here's the first part of a little bonus chapter I hope you'll enjoy. **

**The book Victor is reading is _A hero of our time_ by** **Mikhail Lermotov.**

 **As always, thank you for your support, your likes and your comments! xoxo**

* * *

 _A good time! Yes, I've already passed that period of spiritual life when people seek happiness alone and when the heart feels the need to love someone passionately. Now I only want_ _一'_

"Makkachin, sit! No, sit!"

' _... when people seek happiness alone and when the heart feels the need to love someone passionately. Now I only want_ _to be loved, and then only by the very few. As a matter of fact, I believe_ _一'_

"But Makka, come on. Here, sit. Sit _!_ "

' _Now I only want to be loved, and then only by the very few. As a matter of fact, I believe to be loved, and then only by the very few. As a matter of fact, I believe one constant attachment would be enough for me - a sentimental fashion only_ _一'_

"Makkachin, you know this! I have a treat for you, so sit!"

He stopped reading, putting a finger on the last sentence he read. He wasn't sure where that was anymore, not after being interrupted so many times during the last half hour or so. He wasn't angry, not even annoyed. If anything, he was entertained. At the same time, he was fighting the urge of letting the laughter bubbling and fizzing inside escape him. He wanted it to stay where it was. In fact, he needed it to. After all, it wasn't _his_ fault. Or, yes, it was. The dog wasn't the cause of him being interrupted.

What wanted him to succumb, what wanted him to laugh was something so simple. Something so endearing and full of positive connotations that he still felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach when being exposed to it, although it happened every day. Countless of times, in situation after situation. It was his voice, the voice where the letter 'r' tended to sound like the letter 'l' and the way his name was pronounced with a slight 'b' at the beginning and just a whisper of a 'u' at the end, that spellbound him.

That voice, the one that not only said the most loving things during the day and made the most loving moans directly onto his skin throughout the night. The only thing he couldn't get enough of, the only thing that he knew that he needed. That was why he fought his laughter, he wanted it to continue. That sound that gave him all and everything, even during the moments he actually tried to read and should feel annoyed for being disturbed.

It was with great effort he tried to sound a little bit sharp, just to stop the strange project his fianceé had started. Not the talking of course, he wouldn't dream of it, but rather, retraining the dog.

"Yuuri, honestly! Love, I'm trying to read!" He put his hand on his shoulder to sell the pretended mood some more, dropped the book on the floor next to his fianceé on the floor with a little more noise than needed while taking a loud sip from his coffee cup.

The brown eyes looked back across a shoulder, seemingly trying to read the mood by meeting his spuriously displeased gaze, before returning to rest on the oblivious poodle.

"He only knows Russian, Yuuri. Don't make it complicated for him. He's an old dog."

"But, I… I just want to talk to him. I want him to understand..."

"He understands everything fine and well," Victor said, still making sure that his voice still kept a slight sharpness. "Maybe it's you who needs retraining?"

It became silent for a while. He understood that he'd been a bit too harsh. Too good at keeping a straight face while pretending to scold him. But he wanted to keep that tension in him, just for a little while longer.

"Makkachin, _sidet_."

The poodle sat down without a second's delay.

"Makka, _golos. Golos!_ "

The poodle made a little whine that ended with a high-pitched woof.

" _Molodets,_ Makkachin!"

The poodle wagged his tail, looking extremely proud over the fact that he received praise.

"Makka, _myach_."

The poodle raised his ears to the best of his abilities, cocked his head a little to the side.

" _Myach,_ Makkachin. _Aport_!"

The poodle scampered off and returned with a well-loved and thoroughly gnawed on tennis ball.

" _Molodets_ , Makka! _Day."_

The ball, now not only well-loved and thoroughly gnawed on but also slobbery, got promptly dropped on the couch. He pushed it away so that it fell on the floor and rolled a metre or so before it stopped.

"See, Yuuri? He understands. What if…" _Yes. What if?_

"What if, what? Victor?"

"Yuuri?"

"Yes?"

It was a stupid idea. A spur of the moment kind of thought that popped up in his brain. As stupid as it seemed, it was just as enticing. That's what made him go through with it, to follow that impulse.

" _What if I spoke Russian to you? You wouldn't do what I told you to do, huh? You wouldn't understand?"_ Victor's heart started to beat just a little faster. This exchange, this new little interaction promised much. If he just managed to keep him interested, keep him a little bit on edge.

"Victor, you know I don't speak Russian. What if, what exactly?"

"Yuuri, _come here._ "

"It's not funny."

" _Play along, darling_. _Come here. Come. Here._ "

"That, I understood. _Milyy_." A small smile came and went on Yuuri's lips. "It's 'darling' isn't it?"

" _Good boy,_ Yuuri."

"So… I'm not really sure what you want me to do, Victor but…" Yuuri got off the livingroom floor, onto his feet, "I'll try to humor you."

Victor felt it, that racing feeling. That surge, deep within. He noticed that he was holding his breath, not daring to make a wrong move in fear of the moment dissipating between them. He dared to whisper what he knew that Yuuri understood, without any translation. He'd said it so many times, but his voice was still carrying the same reverent tone as the first time he'd said it. " _I love you."_

"I love you too." Yuuri sat down on the sofa, a little more than an arm's length away.

" _Yes. I know you do. And I'm hoping that you can make me love you a little more._ " He smiled and placed his coffee cup on the floor, letting out the smallest huff of air. Hoping it wouldn't be that obvious. Not only the exhale, but the fact that he was not only invested and engaged in what they were doing, setting up, continuing hopefully. He started to get turned on.

Yuuri inched a little closer. Started to lean in a little. "But it's unfair, you know? That you can understand me but I'm not allowed to understand you. Therefore, _Victor_ , I'm going to do the same. _Do you understand me_?"

"Oh-hoh, _honey… Japanese? I think we're going to have fun tonight._ "

 **-xoxo-**

" _Come a bit closer, okay?"_ Victor dared to touch Yuuri's elbows a bit as he was leaning in, leaning over. It was a hard decision to make. He didn't want to be obvious or transparent. He loved where it was going, he needed to see where it would take them without dictating anything, without making any demands.

 _What do you want me to do?"_

They found each other. Intent on trying to make out if there were any clues behind the smiles, the shared breathing getting faster by the second, the eyes not looking away. Naturally, there were many, almost too many to count. But due to the new protocol, the unspoken rules, it wasn't necessary nor desirable to hurry. They both understood this, sensing the energy between them.

The laughter that Victor had been trying to stifle got out. They didn't pass through his lips though, making him surprised. And, truth be told, somewhat disappointed.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry," Yuuri gasped, trying to straighten himself up into more of a sitting position, "but what is this? I can't, we don't understand each other at all!" It was a nervous laugh, that was blatantly obvious.

" _My love, please. I beg of you. This will be amazing. We don't have to understand each other at all._ "

"Can't you at least use 'yes' or 'no'? I understand that and I think… it would help me a bit. And, also, uh… We're still doing this? Is that what you're saying?" He gave him a look, more guarded than anything else, from underneath dark eyelashes. The laughter had died out, much to Victor's dismay.

" _Yes. Please,_ Yuuri…"

"Okay, I understand. I think. And you still want me to speak Japanese?"

" _YES! God, what's wrong with you? Of course! Yes! This is beyond_ 一"

"Oh… On one condition though! Okay?"

" _Yes! Please, tell me!_ "

"I'm so happy that I've learned 'da' and 'nyet' by now. I want you to use them, all the time. I feel… kind of uncomfortable not understanding you and I kind of, well, don't want to feel stupid doing something wrong. You know? I need to make sure."

Victor didn't know what to say, in either language. Initially, he felt an overwhelming sadness come over him. The understanding that Yuuri felt insecure, stupid even, by their little game of sorts and that he seemed to think that he had to prove something during their interaction… well, it hurt. That's not how they were with each other. There was never a need to second-guess, be self-conscious. There was no need to feel anything else than what they did when mouths became forceful and hands too eager. When they became hungry for one another, _it_ always came naturally. Without any restraints or rules. He wanted to keep it that way.

Having Yuuri sitting so close, being nothing more than a heartbeat away from listening to what his body could have told him, and most probably did, in that fleeting moment before he shied away… He wanted it all back. He wanted him to return to that place within him where he relaxed, played along. When he didn't measure anything, when he didn't compare anything and just… went with it.

"Yuuri…" Victor started. Trying to figure out if his tone of voice was convincing enough, or if he actually needed _words_. Understandable words. "Love, I'm sorry. You don't need to feel uncomfortable. At all. I love you, I loved that and I'll… Please?"

"You promise that you'll tell me 'yes' or 'no'?"

"Anything for you, I promise. I don't want you to feel anything else than what I just did. And that was amazing."

"And… the other way around?"

"Oh, love… it's not necessary. Unless you want me to know."

There was a silence, one that words couldn't possible have added anything to. The absence of sounds shared between them was definitely enough, made them understand that they shared a confidence that never needed to be explained between them. That confidence was there, intensified by Yuuri's hand touching Victor's cheek and said hand getting a kiss in return.

"Okay," Yuuri finally said, breaking the silence that had enveloped them both in some kind of trembling existence. "Remember, 'yes' and 'no', okay? I don't want to feel stupid."

"Yes, I remember."

"Thank you."

Victor watched in anticipation as Yuuri took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table. Watched him retreat and sit down next to him for a moment before he, with a small smile straddled him. The vision sent shivers down his spine. The words that followed did too, although the meaning of them was entirely unclear to him.

" _Victor?"_ Yuuri's voice sounded playful in his ears. " _Is this what you want?_ "

 **-xoxo-**

" _Take your_ shirt _off."_

Victor couldn't stop the smile that spread out on his face, the smile that made him chuckle as an almost automatic response. One thing he had understood about the Japanese language was the extensive use of loan words, and many being adapted from English. Not understanding Japanese, or just a couple of words at best, made these words stand out whenever he heard them. Like now.

He sat up, somewhat restricted by having Yuuri placed on top of his hips, and got out of his shirt. He dropped it on the floor without breaking the eye contact.

" _Surprised, love? I understood, I did what you told me to. Now I'm going to make you do something for me."_

He tried to assess Yuuri's reaction. Tried to see if he actually felt comfortable, if those thoughts coloured by a lacking self-esteem were still there or not. If Yuuri felt like continuing.

" _I don't know if I'm allowed to touch you or not without you saying so, but I want to._ " To Victor, Yuuri sounded relaxed. That notion grew stronger when he put his hands on his chest, fingers trailing his collarbones with just a slight touch. Just enough to make him shudder.

" _We'll start off easy, don't you think?_ Yuuri?"

" _Huh? I wonder if you asked a question or not. I kind of_ _一_ "

" _Kiss me. Don't feel awkward. Just look at me and you'll understand._ "

He did his best to guide him. To give him all the small signs that really didn't need words to back them up in order to understand them. Starting with a smile, a slight tilt of the head, maybe a brief look to see where it was going, where _he_ was going and finally, ending the enchantment with lips being parted ever so slightly. A small exhale, eyes slowly closing and then, a poor excuse of something resembling patience.

He was catching on. He understood. He understood that they weren't doing anything that would be strange or uncomfortable to him. And that, he showed him. As he met him with an urgency, there was no need to hold it back, no need to persuade that unwanted patience to stay around any longer, to hold him by the hand. When it disappeared, he was already gone. Lost in him.

The small mewls they both made transcended anything they could possibly say, no matter the language. The small mewls were the proof of them understanding each other, proof of that confidence that had seemed to falter, in at least one of them before.

The kiss wanted to continue. It was like it had gained a consciousness of its own. Lips engaging got more hungry when hands wanted to tap in, seeking refuge by skimming over jawlines, touching necks, ending up in hair. Finally settling there, in hair or on the back of heads to keep that momentum going. To keep speaking without words, for at least a while longer.

Something that's building must eventually lose its ascending travels. The kiss did just that. It was born by simple cues, matured into something heated and finally, waned only to leave its mark behind. Quickened breaths, hot hands and a pulsating need of something else. Something more. Something that could start something, trigger a chain reaction that would make them flare up again.

Victor nuzzled his face into the groove of Yuuri's neck, where it met his shoulder. His favorite place, one of many. He had to sigh, he had to remain in that feeling being governed by endorphins and an insatiable yearning for what they had only started to taste together.

" _I love you. You drive me crazy. The things I would like to do to you,_ Yuuri." He bit down on his shoulder, not too hard. Just enough to make a point, and thoroughly enjoying the languorous little whine his action brought out.

When Yuuri started to shift, he left that harbor of blissful existence. He straightened up, put his hands on Yuuri's hips and adjusted him slightly. Wanting him to dig into him, hoping that they would both feel something through layers of fabric. Hoping desperately that he could flex his hips a little, shift a little on top of him, do _something_.

" _I know what you're trying to do, Victor. I'm not stupid._ "

" _I wonder if I have to say 'yes' or 'no' now,_ Yuuri? _Can't you give me something? Please? Don't be so cold."_

It was a puerile attempt, trying to adjust him, time and time again. Trying to make him slightly uncomfortable, slightly unbalanced in order to covertly make him move back to where he was originally. But he didn't. He calmly sat on top of Victor's lap, arms around his neck, eyes lost in his. Not shifting. Not flexing. Not doing anything.

" _Love, you're killing me. Do something. No."_

As soon as Victor had uttered the 'no', a smile appeared on Yuuri's face.

" _You want me to? You want me to do something like this?"_ He moved slow, repositioned himself on Victor's lap. Creating a friction that made them both sigh an universal sound, one easily understood. " _And what were you supposed to do? Is it_ 'da' _or_ 'nyet'?"

" _Yes!_ "

" _Is that so? Good, I need you tell me."_

Feeling those teasing movements on him, against him, in odd intervals but not getting anything else that friction that made him heady, made Victor think that he'd never experienced anything resembling patience. He couldn't recall what it felt like, and in a way, he wanted anything similar to self-control to be abolished. He never wanted to be a slave to it, not while being with him.

" _Get undressed._ Yuuri, _it's not a question. Take your clothes off. Now."_

Of course, his patience was tested although it's hard to evaluate something that's not there, something that doesn't exist.

" _Honey, I need you to do what I tell you to do. Take. Off. Your. Clothes."_ He was getting impatient, way past it even, now sneaking a hand underneath Yuuri's t-shirt. Pulling at it with his other hand, trying to make his point come across. " _I'll do it for you if you don't catch on soon. Come on. Come on!"_

" _I'm going to talk to you in this tone of voice now. It sounds cheery to you, I take it? I want to tease you, Victor. I want you to work. I… shit, it's so strange, saying things like this to you."_ Yuuri paused, looked down at Makkachin who now had curled up on the floor next to the sofa. He seemed flustered, and him looking away and taking his hands off his chest made it obvious that he was. " _Thing is, I've never said anything like this to anyone in Japa_ _一"_

He toppled him over, made Yuuri fall onto his back. Feeling a clench inside as a little gasp tumbled over Yuuri's lips as his back touched the cushions.

Victor wasn't tired of hearing him, not at all. However, he had sensed a change in Yuuri's voice. That cheer was slowly being washed away by something else, got replaced by something he thought to be insecurity. He didn't want that for him, he didn't want that for them. So, he decided to exorcise that. He decided to make sure that Yuuri wouldn't feel anything less than what he himself was feeling. He wanted him to understand, with the help words or not, that there was nothing to think about. He just wanted him to find that place. Where he wouldn't occupy himself with anything else than surrendering.

 **-xoxo-**

Yuuri considered the arrangement to be quite strange. Him speaking Japanese and Victor speaking Russian. Of course, they were using their mother tongues intermittently in their daily lives together, hearing Victor speaking Russian was definitely nothing new. A curse word when the cooking failed, a stray word whenever he couldn't find the one he was looking for in English or French, a word of endearment when coming through the door… It was normal for them.

Although, in this context, everything came across as uncharted. Totally undiscovered and ready to be explored. He was a wary adventurer, though, caught between a curiosity that flared up, just as intermittently as the languages they were molded out of, and a fear. He tried to chase it away, tried to let that desire for having blue eyes looking at him, him and nothing else, imbibe him with all of the things that usually came without thinking about it consciously.

But the fear, it lingered. Feeling smoldering exhales against his neck followed by kisses that instantly cooled, took away some of its sharpness. But it was right there, skin deep. Just underneath the surface. Telling him not to give in.

He had gotten a promise from him, he would take the lead. He would tell him if he did the right thing and that calmed him some. But he still struggled. Struggled with the fact that something was being asked of him too. He would have to tread over a border he never thought he would cross.

" _Victor?"_ He needed to say it, he realised. Needed to get it out and maybe, just maybe, it would take the worry away. He took a deep breath, and readied himself. It didn't matter if Victor understood or not. The urge of getting it off his chest, the need to just _say_ it was there. Pulsating inside, much like the blood running through him that was heating up ever so slowly. " _It's just… well, I find it strange, using Japanese. Together with you, like this. I've never used these words before. It's… ah!"_

It was getting hard for him to concentrate, feeling pressed down into the sofa. Feeling Victor's stomach expand and claim him and his space. Feeling his breath against his neck, its warm wetness waxing and waning with every exhale made against him.

" _Listen! It's the language I use with my family so it feels wrong. I can't imagine saying it in Japanese, Victor! The… um, the things I say to you in English when we... you know? Also, I want the control. I want to know that you, no, that we understand each other and that_ _一"_

The hips pressing him down were really distracting, they had started to move. They had started to tease him to a degree where he lost his train of thought. So, he pushed Victor away, put his hands against his chest to ease up on the pressure and the friction. He started to feel emblazoned, charred by having Victor against himself. He could, in theory give in. Seek the warmth of that pyre it meant having him on top, underneath or around himself.

He dared to peer up at him, almost feeling caught being between his outstretched arms placed on both sides of his face. Those blue eyes, made for disappearing into, getting lost inside without any thought of ever returning, looked puzzled.

" _Talking is hard, not understanding is even worse,_ " Yuuri sighed. " _Especially now._ "

After a silence and a long, seemingly never-ending, look, Victor spoke. His voice was low, soft, only getting slightly amplified by him lowering himself on top of him again. " _Darling, stop. No. Don't sound like that, don't be insecure. I love you. Show me why I do. Come on._ "

Victor kissed his neck as he came closer. Yuuri sensed a desperation in his kisses, they were hurried. Forced upon him with both pressure and intention. He was trying to rally him, he figured. Trying to make him dare to succumb to that volatile desire that just waited for the right signal.

Against his lips, Victor breathed. " _Yes? No?"_

He knew that he was waiting for his answer. The answer to the right signal.

 **-xoxo-**

" _Yes."_

The sound Yuuri's 'hai' made was the most rewarding sound they've ever exchanged. Victor cooed. Seeing Yuuri close his eyes, making room for him against his neck by turning his head away from his lips was divine. It was everything he wanted. Also, feeling the slightly flexed hips, tilting upwards to meet his own made him moan or sigh. He wasn't sure. Something he realised that he was sure of was something simpler, though. He wanted to rid himself of the frustration, it was becoming unbearable and constricting.

He tugged at Yuuri's t-shirt a little. Tried to decide what would make him do what he wanted him to. He hoped that a meaning look and a somewhat commanding tone of voice would do the trick. " _Take it off. Enough with the games._ Yuuri!"

Yuuri opened his eyes, found his in no time at all. That look he gave him was… ambiguous. Somewhat hazy, due to something igniting within him, perhaps. But also… challenging? Yes, Victor recognised that look. That look he could give him when he wasn't agreeing with him, when he'd been pushed a little too hard during practice, but also, when he wanted him to _一_

" _Oh… Honey, is that so?"_ With a grin, he leaned in and spoke into his ear. " _You are filthy, aren't you?"_

He bit his earlobe, feeling even more constricted after hearing the lovely mewl. It made his body react immediately. Telling him to gasp for air, set himself free, claim what was his. " _So delightfully filthy._ "

He felt Yuuri stir underneath him. He gave him a little bit of room, a little bit of space, by sitting up. It was wrong, he thought. He wanted to close any distance between them, not adding to it. He wanted to, well, get close. Closer. As close as he possibly could, because it was out in the open now. The need they had for each other, so obvious and thick.

" _I'm just going to…"_ Yuuri reached for the hem of his t-shirt, trying to sit up to reach it.

" _Yes! Yes! Fuck, yes!_ "

Maybe he should have waited, but he was tired of interruptions. Tired of having to pace himself. That feeling became intensified by the struggle, a struggle beyond compare, to get that t-shirt off. Hearing the seams cry out because of how the were treated made him jealous. He wanted that too.

" _Don't pull it apart! Victor, take it easy!_ "

As soon as he was there in front of him, his cheeks flushed, his chest bare, his hair looking like a black whirlwind, his eyes locked on his, Victor could finally breathe. He reached out and touched his chest, letting his thumb trace the outline of a nipple.

" _Bedroom?"_ He nodded in the direction of where he wanted it all to continue and hopefully finish, not before long. " _I'm going to make you unable to stand."_

Yuuri untangled his arms from the t-shirt and tossed it on the floor, before reclining again with his arms over his head. His tongue skimmed over his bottom lip, leaving a glistening trail in its wake. " _Come at me, you asshole. Make me forget about that t-shirt."_


End file.
